3 min read

1. One more...

Written Monday, January 13, 2020 / Day 154 / Morning

Everything tells me not to write this - but I am equally convicted to do so.

Remember in life how we always seem to want just one more?

As a child it is just one more cookie.

Just staying up a little bit longer.

Playing just for 5 minutes more (as if we could judge how long 5 minutes was!).

If we could just stay out just a little longer.

As we grow older we would just like to be with our friends just a little bit longer.

Stay up to watch that favorite program.

Have an extra helping of pie.

When we become adults we have the same outlook.

That vacation - if we could only stay one just one more day. The place is just so beautiful - it is so compelling.

That special event that turned out to be so special - oh if I could just stay.

Such is our attraction to what is good. Of course there can be selfishness in here. That is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about relishing the best - the more enjoyable - the most wonderful moments that we are blessed to experience.

I was just putting away items on Joann’s desk - just a clerical moment. Filing and arranging and disposing. Perhaps that’s where the thought came from.

I never know.

But I went back to our last moment. That last moment I try to “move on” from as they say. That “move on” phrase that haunts me.

I was drawn to it and quite predictably started to resist the idea. But then I thought - do I have to go there once again? Is this necessary?

I do not know.

But I did.

It was a mixture of so many emotions - ones I can list and others that are undefinable. My immediate thought was I wanted her to not be suffering.

The previous afternoon I heard her mumbling. We were at the point where regular conversations were no longer possible. But I leaned in to hear what she was saying.

She was praying - for everyone else who was suffering.

Wow.

That is just her. Her outlook was always that way.

So as I could see that God was not sending us on our way to another miracle - my most deepest thoughts were that she would not be suffering.

The essay in Volume 1 - “The Last Hours” tells that story completely.

But at that last moment - when I knew it had arrived - there was relief buried amidst the moment.

Peace had arrived.

And as we left the room after a time - the thought struck me for which I will always be grateful - the thought to go back.

Just one more time.

So I did.

Everyone had left. The room was empty.

I went back.

I went to her and embraced her as I always did.

The thoughts pouring out into the empty room. I told her goodbye, knowing that she was already asleep and awaiting her new life in Christ.

At that moment time seemed to stop. The moment was all there was.

Then I had to leave.

Perhaps this is the moment I have not been wanting to relive. But today I did. If this is a step I have to take - then I took it.

I come back to that moment quite regularly. It was the goodbye I did not have the opportunity share in the way I would have liked - but it was the one I had.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity.

And it is not forever.

I will see her again as we read in 1 Thessalonians 4:16. As Paul tells is in 1 Corinthians 15:51.

For now I will relish the blessing of her in my life. And that I was able to have that opportunity to just have one more moment with the one who will always be everything to me.

1. One more...

Written Monday, January 13, 2020 / Day 154 / Morning

Everything tells me not to write this - but I am equally convicted to do so.

Remember in life how we always seem to want just one more?

As a child it is just one more cookie.

Just staying up a little bit longer.

Playing just for 5 minutes more (as if we could judge how long 5 minutes was!).

If we could just stay out just a little longer.

As we grow older we would just like to be with our friends just a little bit longer.

Stay up to watch that favorite program.

Have an extra helping of pie.

When we become adults we have the same outlook.

That vacation - if we could only stay one just one more day. The place is just so beautiful - it is so compelling.

That special event that turned out to be so special - oh if I could just stay.

Such is our attraction to what is good. Of course there can be selfishness in here. That is not what I am talking about.

I am talking about relishing the best - the more enjoyable - the most wonderful moments that we are blessed to experience.

I was just putting away items on Joann’s desk - just a clerical moment. Filing and arranging and disposing. Perhaps that’s where the thought came from.

I never know.

But I went back to our last moment. That last moment I try to “move on” from as they say. That “move on” phrase that haunts me.

I was drawn to it and quite predictably started to resist the idea. But then I thought - do I have to go there once again? Is this necessary?

I do not know.

But I did.

It was a mixture of so many emotions - ones I can list and others that are undefinable. My immediate thought was I wanted her to not be suffering.

The previous afternoon I heard her mumbling. We were at the point where regular conversations were no longer possible. But I leaned in to hear what she was saying.

She was praying - for everyone else who was suffering.

Wow.

That is just her. Her outlook was always that way.

So as I could see that God was not sending us on our way to another miracle - my most deepest thoughts were that she would not be suffering.

The essay in Volume 1 - “The Last Hours” tells that story completely.

But at that last moment - when I knew it had arrived - there was relief buried amidst the moment.

Peace had arrived.

And as we left the room after a time - the thought struck me for which I will always be grateful - the thought to go back.

Just one more time.

So I did.

Everyone had left. The room was empty.

I went back.

I went to her and embraced her as I always did.

The thoughts pouring out into the empty room. I told her goodbye, knowing that she was already asleep and awaiting her new life in Christ.

At that moment time seemed to stop. The moment was all there was.

Then I had to leave.

Perhaps this is the moment I have not been wanting to relive. But today I did. If this is a step I have to take - then I took it.

I come back to that moment quite regularly. It was the goodbye I did not have the opportunity share in the way I would have liked - but it was the one I had.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity.

And it is not forever.

I will see her again as we read in 1 Thessalonians 4:16. As Paul tells is in 1 Corinthians 15:51.

For now I will relish the blessing of her in my life. And that I was able to have that opportunity to just have one more moment with the one who will always be everything to me.

Recent Posts

Comments