10. Lessons from Being Ill

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Written Friday April 16, 2020 / Day 256 / Morning

As I reflect on this journey as I am apt to do quite regularly, I am particularly focused on my current state of being ill yet again. Not that I am ill all of the time, but at present I have just quarantined myself at home until I deal with this latest episode.

It is not the current virus as far as I can tell, it’s symptoms are not that extreme in any one area but they have been enough to stop my current pattern - as limited as it is.

But then there is the reality that I am not able to function. Then the doubts - well, what is this? A new condition? Something that is going to keep me restricted? And on it goes.

I have had to slap myself in a sense to stop doing that. To just fall back on what I fall back upon in these situations - prayer, tea and sleep.

There have been titanic events taking place since my life changed on March 1st. Various essays cover these events - check out Volume 7 beginning with essay #9 to follow those incredible events. Then, just one week ago (Volume 8 - Essay #8 “Lessons from Day 245”) more dramatic revelations occurred.

The effects of not only the daily struggle with grief over the past months but also these dramatic changes, have most likely been in the background of physical stress.

Having an actual physical reaction to the change of my heart when I told the future that I would no longer fight it (Volume 7 - Essay #12 “Cease Fire”) was quite unexpected. Yet that episode made it clear to me that my stress has a direct effect on my health.

I am quite grateful that I have been as together as I have been.

In this time of illness, the lessons of faith are ever present. Faith is something, that when the situation in which you are having the faith actually comes to pass - that moment unleashes glorious emotions of celebration for what has taken place.

Then, as we are as humans, life continues and additional situations where faith is yet again required come into focus.

These situations, as I have come to see, help us continually focus on the fact that we are not the ones running things here - there is One who is.

In living through the seasons of faith in our lives - we become stronger in the fact that as we look backwards, there are lessons in all of the past times our faith has been realized.

For me, being alone during a time that sickness that has made me inoperable - this time has brought to my attention the fact that I am actually somewhat stronger right now than I had been.

I have been ill three times during this journey.

In November when I experienced my first illness that kept me in bed for a few days, I was not only upset that I was ill - but that I had no one with me as I suffered (Volume 4 - Essay #2 “Sick Day”).

It was one of those cold hard realities of the journey that grief and its friend have no trouble unleashing on a person.

Then in December, when I had a more intense sinus/cold type of illness that kept me out for a week - my sadness of being alone was less prominent. The isolation and all of the associated restrictions being more of an issue than my aloneness (not a word I’m sure). I missed seeing my family for that time and fussed a bit more that I was on my own for three meals a day.

I stayed in yet another week at the end of December to insure I was totally over the condition. That time was less intense from the emotional perspective but difficult in being alone without actual contact with my family (because we did not want to share any potential illnesses among us).

This time - the illness was sort of matter-of-fact. Being on my own even less of a conscious issue. My new found smartphone and the ability to text also a comfort in this time of isolation.

That realization took me a bit by surprise. I was so focused on the illness, the steps I was taking and getting through it and then it struck me - “do you remember that you are alone in this?”

Well actually I had not really noticed all that much - but now even though my dear sweet comforter is not with me here - I have another that is seeing me through.

And that has made all of the difference.

Another lesson of strength that I am being taught.

10. Lessons from Being Ill

Written Friday April 16, 2020 / Day 256 / Morning

As I reflect on this journey as I am apt to do quite regularly, I am particularly focused on my current state of being ill yet again. Not that I am ill all of the time, but at present I have just quarantined myself at home until I deal with this latest episode.

It is not the current virus as far as I can tell, it’s symptoms are not that extreme in any one area but they have been enough to stop my current pattern - as limited as it is.

But then there is the reality that I am not able to function. Then the doubts - well, what is this? A new condition? Something that is going to keep me restricted? And on it goes.

I have had to slap myself in a sense to stop doing that. To just fall back on what I fall back upon in these situations - prayer, tea and sleep.

The effects of not only the daily struggle with grief over the past months but also these dramatic changes, have most likely been in the background of physical stress.

Having an actual physical reaction to the change of my heart when I told the future that I would no longer fight it (Volume 7 - Essay #12 “Cease Fire”) was quite unexpected. Yet that episode made it clear to me that my stress has a direct effect on my health.

I am quite grateful that I have been as together as I have been.

In this time of illness, the lessons of faith are ever present. Faith is something, that when the situation in which you are having the faith actually comes to pass - that moment unleashes glorious emotions of celebration for what has taken place.

Then, as we are as humans, life continues and additional situations where faith is yet again required come into focus.

These situations, as I have come to see, help us continually focus on the fact that we are not the ones running things here - there is One who is.

In living through the seasons of faith in our lives - we become stronger in the fact that as we look backwards, there are lessons in all of the past times our faith has been realized.

For me, being alone during a time that sickness that has made me inoperable - this time has brought to my attention the fact that I am actually somewhat stronger right now than I had been.

I have been ill three times during this journey.

In November when I experienced my first illness that kept me in bed for a few days, I was not only upset that I was ill - but that I had no one with me as I suffered (Volume 4 - Essay #2 “Sick Day”).

It was one of those cold hard realities of the journey that grief and its friend have no trouble unleashing on a person.

I stayed in yet another week at the end of December to insure I was totally over the condition. That time was less intense from the emotional perspective but difficult in being alone without actual contact with my family (because we did not want to share any potential illnesses among us).

This time - the illness was sort of matter-of-fact. Being on my own even less of a conscious issue. My new found smartphone and the ability to text also a comfort in this time of isolation.

That realization took me a bit by surprise. I was so focused on the illness, the steps I was taking and getting through it and then it struck me - “do you remember that you are alone in this?”

Well actually I had not really noticed all that much - but now even though my dear sweet comforter is not with me here - I have another that is seeing me through.

And that has made all of the difference.

Another lesson of strength that I am being taught.

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