top of page
Search

10. The Way Out?


Could there be a way?

Written Friday, November 29, 2019 / Day 109 / Evening


I have experienced several dreams I wrote about in past essays since they seemed so real as dreams can be. This morning I woke up after a particularly intense one. You might know the type - one where you are engaged in something quite intense then <poof> you wake up and some of the momentum of the dream carries on as you wake up - just like you were there in person.


That’s how this morning’s dream went - rather intense about me confronting someone. I didn’t think too much of it and went on with my day. But unlike regular dreams - the core of this dream stayed with me all day.


Then later in the day some of it came together in an intriguing way.


Here is the core of what the dream involved.


I was traveling with a companion - a woman who, as usual, was not anyone I could identify.


We were trying to go somewhere together and were walking though various places to get to our destination.


At one point, we cut through a building - sometimes like you might have done at the mall to get from inside the mall to your car - using a store to go through instead of the official mall entrance since the store was closer to where you had parked.


As we cut through the building, which was rather old and dark, there were rooms of people inside sitting around. There were some standing in in the hallway as well as in the various rooms we saw as we made our way to the exit door.


As we approached the door, there was a stream of people coming in. So many that we had to pause and wait for them. Some had bags, luggage and other things they were carrying.


There were so many. Their demeanor was somber, sort of just shuffling along to get in.


The room was dark, poorly lit and a bit drab.


When our turn came, the proprietor of the building stopped us and informed us that we could not leave the building.


We were flustered. We were just trying to get to our destination by taking this shortcut through the building. We were under no obligation to stay.


Well apparently we were. The proprietor was quite clear on this.


There was contention and arguing. The people around us shuffling around within the rooms and a general flow of activity was taking place around us.


After a period of this arguing, the proprietor changed his mind and said that my companion could leave. Just pack up her belongings that she brought in the building and leave.


I was ecstatic. As she prepared to leave, the proprietor stopped me and said that I could not join her.


I argued why not? Why does she get to go but I do not? There was no reason to stop us in the first place so there should be no reason to force us to stay.


He was fine with her leaving. But then focused on me.


I could only go if I left everything I had brought into the building behind.


I protested. I brought these things in here and there was no reason for him to make me leave them behind.


But insisted he did. My companion had already left and there I was in the argument.


I was intense with the proprietor.


I am leaving this place and there is nothing you can do to stop me. You have no hold over me. You only have the hold over me that I am allowing you to have.


He just looked at me with no comment.


I can just walk out of here right now! What are you going to do to stop me? You haven’t told us that? Actually all of these people could probably leave - they just think they have to stay because you told them that. But you really have no way to stop us!


I was getting ready to walk out. Intensely speaking to the proprietor - you have nothing over me! I am going to leave and you cannot stop me.


And then I woke up.


It took all day for me to think about this. Usually your dreams fade away when you are awake a bit. But the staying power of this dream was sort of odd. It hung around all day until it dawned on me.


Do I have even more control over this state I am in than I realize?


Lately I have been speaking directly to everything in the house with the message that I will no longer be captive to the sadness they take me to. I will no longer invoke memories that take me down. If I am honoring my sweetie in some way by going there fine - but just to cry for cryings sake - well I am done with all of that!


As I mused the situation it struck me - while our losses are permanent in this life - can this grief and mourning go away? Or more likely - can I start walking away from them…myself?


An interesting and intriguing idea. One that will be played out in the days and weeks ahead.


As God leads me to this nebulous future that awaits me - could it be that I think it will be delivered to me.


When in reality it might be that it is waiting for me - just outside grief’s door?

6 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Commenti


bottom of page