11. Lessons from Joann

4 min read

Written Thursday April 30, 2020 / Day 262 / Middle of the Night

Of all the difficult essays I have written in this journey, I feel that this is perhaps one of the most difficult. Maybe that is why I am up in the middle of the night. I never know when these messages will arrive. This may be the time for this message.

I see a slow progression of unraveling taking place. My analytical side quite efficiently figuring the structure of all of this early on - while my heart hopelessly lost without it’s precious reason for being.

As I have been taught in so many ways in this transitory place on the way to a new life - these lessons would have to be at the very core of my being. A place we all have but never really reveal to anyone else - either because we don’t recognize what is in us - or don’t know how to express what is in our very soul.

In my experience - whether it is a blessing or curse, the destruction of my former life has broken the door to that unapproachable place. Broken the restrictions that we consciously or unconsciously have been under.

Broken those restrictions to tell me how my life experience with my beautiful sweetheart and the love God gave us - can possibly help me face the fact I am now emotionally alone without her incredible presence in my life.

I have found a reference in several essays, quite a small one really, but every time I read it I stop and have an emotional breakdown. Let’s see if I can say it - even in text.

I will be referencing Joann and the following thought comes out that she was the “jewel of my life”.

This perhaps has so much meaning to me and contains so much power that I find myself becoming disarmed and incapacitated for the immediate moment.

After all - what could be a jewel in our life? Actors receive a “Lifetime Achievement Award” for their decades of work. A prestigious award with so much honor and acclaim. But like all human glory - the next week fading into the daily cycles of life to be replaced with the current reality that the actor has done their best work. In a sense - it is a bit of a eulogy in advance.

This will not make sense to you if you are not “older” since with mileage comes reflection on where those miles have taken a person. The point in your life where you can look back and see your life in a sweeping vista of what has occurred. At least that is how it is for me.

When I look back at mine - I see one thing. And only one thing.

I see a jewel.

It sparkled in a way things rarely do. It had a radiance that was beyond the normal light we can see.

That light - that radiance - touched so many - it was a conduit for something God so wants us to have. So much so He sent His son to die for us so we could have it.

The spirit that reached out to everyone it could touch. And when it touched them - it touched them in a way that was unexpected. It was surprising to many. Few were ready to receive it.

It was expressed in countless ways.

Manifesting itself as cards, letters - unexpected gifts, heartfelt concern and unending compassion as well as constant prayers.

Touching all that would come into its path - into the glow of its radiance.

I was blessed beyond my comprehension - to live amidst such radiance.

It was so much a part of her that being immersed in it with her seemed to be nothing special - in a sense. It just was. But for the others that it touched - it was something beyond special. Beyond the ordinary. Beyond the expected.

As I reflect on the testimony to that life I was honored to share - the lessons of that life are perhaps without end. I had an idea that I would list them - but that is my analytical side.

This is beyond all of that because it is beyond human thinking.

And I know that living with that jewel, that radiance for 47 years - cannot help but change a person.

I know it has changed me. Because now all of that radiance - the radiance of the jewel of my life that very radiance has become a part of me.

It has blended into my spirit. I know this because I run into it all of the time.

In the way I react to something - in the way I start thinking one way and am directed to another.

Those lessons then have reached the height of what a lesson should be. More than words. More than ideas. More than any human construct can hope to achieve.

Because it is not human. It was not human.

It was God’s love - directed through the most extraordinary person I could have ever had the privilege of knowing let alone being able to share that amazing life with.

The lessons of God - given to me each day by the most beautiful person I could have been blessed to be with.

His love manifested by one of His servants.

My Joann.

The jewel of my life.

11. Lessons from Joann

Written Thursday April 30, 2020 / Day 262 / Middle of the Night

Of all the difficult essays I have written in this journey, I feel that this is perhaps one of the most difficult. Maybe that is why I am up in the middle of the night. I never know when these messages will arrive. This may be the time for this message.

I see a slow progression of unraveling taking place. My analytical side quite efficiently figuring the structure of all of this early on - while my heart hopelessly lost without it’s precious reason for being.

In my experience - whether it is a blessing or curse, the destruction of my former life has broken the door to that unapproachable place. Broken the restrictions that we consciously or unconsciously have been under.

Broken those restrictions to tell me how my life experience with my beautiful sweetheart and the love God gave us - can possibly help me face the fact I am now emotionally alone without her incredible presence in my life.

I have found a reference in several essays, quite a small one really, but every time I read it I stop and have an emotional breakdown. Let’s see if I can say it - even in text.

I will be referencing Joann and the following thought comes out that she was the “jewel of my life”.

This perhaps has so much meaning to me and contains so much power that I find myself becoming disarmed and incapacitated for the immediate moment.

This will not make sense to you if you are not “older” since with mileage comes reflection on where those miles have taken a person. The point in your life where you can look back and see your life in a sweeping vista of what has occurred. At least that is how it is for me.

When I look back at mine - I see one thing. And only one thing.

I see a jewel.

It sparkled in a way things rarely do. It had a radiance that was beyond the normal light we can see.

That light - that radiance - touched so many - it was a conduit for something God so wants us to have. So much so He sent His son to die for us so we could have it.

The spirit that reached out to everyone it could touch. And when it touched them - it touched them in a way that was unexpected. It was surprising to many. Few were ready to receive it.

It was expressed in countless ways.

Manifesting itself as cards, letters - unexpected gifts, heartfelt concern and unending compassion as well as constant prayers.

Touching all that would come into its path - into the glow of its radiance.

I was blessed beyond my comprehension - to live amidst such radiance.

It was so much a part of her that being immersed in it with her seemed to be nothing special - in a sense. It just was. But for the others that it touched - it was something beyond special. Beyond the ordinary. Beyond the expected.

As I reflect on the testimony to that life I was honored to share - the lessons of that life are perhaps without end. I had an idea that I would list them - but that is my analytical side.

This is beyond all of that because it is beyond human thinking.

And I know that living with that jewel, that radiance for 47 years - cannot help but change a person.

I know it has changed me. Because now all of that radiance - the radiance of the jewel of my life that very radiance has become a part of me.

It has blended into my spirit. I know this because I run into it all of the time.

In the way I react to something - in the way I start thinking one way and am directed to another.

Those lessons then have reached the height of what a lesson should be. More than words. More than ideas. More than any human construct can hope to achieve.

Because it is not human. It was not human.

It was God’s love - directed through the most extraordinary person I could have ever had the privilege of knowing let alone being able to share that amazing life with.

The lessons of God - given to me each day by the most beautiful person I could have been blessed to be with.

His love manifested by one of His servants.

My Joann.

The jewel of my life.

Recent Posts

Comments