11. Perceptions

4 min read

We think we know everything - but we really know nothing.

Written Monday, December 2, 2019 / Day 112 / Evening

As I journey back in time to document the beginnings of our relationship, I have experienced many emotions. I have returned to when the love we found in each other was new. When we were overwhelmed with what was taking place.

In stepping through all of the moments that took place - I marvel at the different ways I perceive that time now.

Looking back, my wife always had a forlorn attitude about the problems that were caused by what happened. I suppose now - in my current situation I am only seeing things through my eyes. I know that despite what drew us together - she faced many unpleasant situations I never did - so in retrospect from today’s vantage point whatever goodness was there was overshadowed for her by the wrong she now perceived.

In my current state of grief I find the recollections of our beginnings comforting. I certainly felt remorse about the way things happened - it was a shock of tectonic proportions for everyone at the time.

I know there were naysayers back then as there always are. Those who certainly represent some type (theirs of course) of propriety which was violated by the seemingly irrational behavior they were forced to witness.

I knew of some of the commentary - but I did not care. I was at ground zero. I knew what I knew and it was not what they perceived. In our world there is no way to correct those perceptions. So I ignored them. I knew my commitment and they didn’t. I was sad that some were so shallow.

It is a lesson to all of us who regularly put our referee jerseys on and pontificate on the situations of friends, acquaintances and public figures. Certainly our evaluation is wise and just. Our ruling complete. Our verdict - without question correct.

All the time being more stupid than stupid could be.

Because in all of our innate wisdom, our impeccable skills of evaluation and righteous judging - we are missing the key to really understanding what is going on.

Empathy.

Many do not even know what that is. Let alone have any.

Empathy you see is that connection between the visible, raw, unadulterated surface facts - and to the emotion and people in the midst of the situation.

Unless you have ever been mis-judged you will have no idea of what I am talking about.

You know your situation well - yet you hear the “word on the street” and it is nothing like what you know to be true. You know it is true because you are experiencing it. The others are not.

That is what gossip is all about.

We can not just mind our own business. We certainly know better. We can see how things are and have decided what the answers should be.

In our situation among the closest friends of my wife - she was dismayed that she did not receive any consolation that perhaps there was more to what happened than it appeared on the surface.

This pipsqueak came in and destroyed a 4 year old marriage. Then look, they got an apartment together right away. Amazing - that poor husband!

Few seemed to be able to even hear the other side of the story. To understand the emotions involved - the way the relationship started and the way things unfolded from her perspective. There was not a lot of comfort shown. And that was disappointing.

It just made us closer. It bonded us in an amazing way. So no one else would try to get it? Fine - we did and all we needed was each other.

Sure, it is confusing to couples when one of the couples break down. Who do you connect to? For my wife, her husband received the sympathy it seemed. My wife - very little.

But for us it did not matter. We knew there was something incredibly special in what had taken place.

We both believed in God and had that in our backgrounds. But with the eye of today how could we have done something like that?

That is where mercy comes into play.

We were no better than any other participants in this broken world. We were broken. Broken in the love department. I’d call it a deep structural problem with our very souls. Actually we all have that at one level or another.

What happened to us was that by the series of innocent encounters that took place - those deeply broken structural problems were slowly being filled with something extraordinary.

Love.

A love we had never experienced. As I have written previously, a love that was not based on the common, physical, temporal elements that are so often displayed and we so often gravitate to in our evaluations of such situations.

This love was the genuine article.

And when it began to grow - there was nothing that could stop it.

Even us.

As we would lament about the view of the past from the vantage point of the present - we remembered we sought God’s forgiveness as the depths of the problems that were caused were brought to our consciousness. And He gave it to us.

Just as He asks us to do for others.

And to those naysayers of the past? - I wish they could see the panorama of our lives and how that love that began endured and survived no matter what came against it.

A love so special - it will stay with me for the rest of the time I am on this earth.

It is that special.

That powerful.

Because at its core - humans cannot make something like this happen. But God can. And He did.

And I thank Him every day that He gave that love to me and my dear sweet Joann.

11. Perceptions

Written Monday, December 2, 2019 / Day 112 / Evening

As I journey back in time to document the beginnings of our relationship, I have experienced many emotions. I have returned to when the love we found in each other was new. When we were overwhelmed with what was taking place.

In stepping through all of the moments that took place - I marvel at the different ways I perceive that time now.

In my current state of grief I find the recollections of our beginnings comforting. I certainly felt remorse about the way things happened - it was a shock of tectonic proportions for everyone at the time.

I know there were naysayers back then as there always are. Those who certainly represent some type (theirs of course) of propriety which was violated by the seemingly irrational behavior they were forced to witness.

I knew of some of the commentary - but I did not care. I was at ground zero. I knew what I knew and it was not what they perceived. In our world there is no way to correct those perceptions. So I ignored them. I knew my commitment and they didn’t. I was sad that some were so shallow.

It is a lesson to all of us who regularly put our referee jerseys on and pontificate on the situations of friends, acquaintances and public figures. Certainly our evaluation is wise and just. Our ruling complete. Our verdict - without question correct.

All the time being more stupid than stupid could be.

Because in all of our innate wisdom, our impeccable skills of evaluation and righteous judging - we are missing the key to really understanding what is going on.

Empathy.

Many do not even know what that is. Let alone have any.

Empathy you see is that connection between the visible, raw, unadulterated surface facts - and to the emotion and people in the midst of the situation.

Unless you have ever been mis-judged you will have no idea of what I am talking about.

You know your situation well - yet you hear the “word on the street” and it is nothing like what you know to be true. You know it is true because you are experiencing it. The others are not.

That is what gossip is all about.

We can not just mind our own business. We certainly know better. We can see how things are and have decided what the answers should be.

In our situation among the closest friends of my wife - she was dismayed that she did not receive any consolation that perhaps there was more to what happened than it appeared on the surface.

This pipsqueak came in and destroyed a 4 year old marriage. Then look, they got an apartment together right away. Amazing - that poor husband!

Few seemed to be able to even hear the other side of the story. To understand the emotions involved - the way the relationship started and the way things unfolded from her perspective. There was not a lot of comfort shown. And that was disappointing.

It just made us closer. It bonded us in an amazing way. So no one else would try to get it? Fine - we did and all we needed was each other.

Sure, it is confusing to couples when one of the couples break down. Who do you connect to? For my wife, her husband received the sympathy it seemed. My wife - very little.

But for us it did not matter. We knew there was something incredibly special in what had taken place.

We both believed in God and had that in our backgrounds. But with the eye of today how could we have done something like that?

That is where mercy comes into play.

We were no better than any other participants in this broken world. We were broken. Broken in the love department. I’d call it a deep structural problem with our very souls. Actually we all have that at one level or another.

What happened to us was that by the series of innocent encounters that took place - those deeply broken structural problems were slowly being filled with something extraordinary.

Love.

A love we had never experienced. As I have written previously, a love that was not based on the common, physical, temporal elements that are so often displayed and we so often gravitate to in our evaluations of such situations.

This love was the genuine article.

And when it began to grow - there was nothing that could stop it.

Even us.

As we would lament about the view of the past from the vantage point of the present - we remembered we sought God’s forgiveness as the depths of the problems that were caused were brought to our consciousness. And He gave it to us.

Just as He asks us to do for others.

And to those naysayers of the past? - I wish they could see the panorama of our lives and how that love that began endured and survived no matter what came against it.

A love so special - it will stay with me for the rest of the time I am on this earth.

It is that special.

That powerful.

Because at its core - humans cannot make something like this happen. But God can. And He did.

And I thank Him every day that He gave that love to me and my dear sweet Joann.

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