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14. The Marker

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There is only one.

Written Saturday February 1, 2020 / Day 173 / Evening


After what I called the week of goodbye ended Friday with me being sick - I realized that what I was calling the week of goodbye was just the beginning of goodbye. Not being affected by any of the things in the house that were so toxic to me has been a continual wonder as well as a confirmation that something is going on to help me.


I sat next to her spot on the couch tonight and just talked out loud to myself. I asked myself the question I keep on asking, “How can I say goodbye?”.


Now that I can touch her things again I am no better than my little 3 year old Granddaughter - Hannah. She has her pacifier, and now I have mine.


I still am unable to read the letters from and to Joann. I keep thinking I will achieve something if I can do that at some point - I will keep trying.


Today, on my way to my son’s, I did something I rarely do. In fact I do not believe I have done it only one other time in all of these weeks.


Stop at the cemetery.


Interestingly it is on the way to his house - right around the corner in a sense.


My sensibilities do not pull me to ever go there. Today there was a reason.


The marker we had ordered finally came several weeks ago and I wanted to stop and see what it looked like. So today was the time.


There really is not that much to it. Since it is cast metal and one of a kind - there are a multitude of options for embellishment. Joann was so practical I chose what she would have chosen - practical.


There was one line on which something could be written.


I knew exactly what she would have wanted to have it say. It was a scripture she continually studied. One of the many we continually talked about as God led us to study on our own for almost 24 years.


It is what she believed and what I also believe. Her strength in God was her foundation. Sure she had her fears as we all do. I would always comfort her with the assurance that God has us. She knew that. I know that.


As I stared at the marker I reflected on the scripture. She would have been pleased with the selection. When I was asked to provide the line - it popped into my mind without me taking any time to think about it. The scripture was always there in my mind - because it was always on hers. It was John 17:3:


“And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth.”


If she could speak to you right now - this would be the message she would give you.

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