6 min read

15. Lessons About Me - Part 2

I've met a new person. I'm just getting to know them.

Written Tuesday, June 2, 2020 / Day 295 / Evening

In part 1 (Volume 8 - Essay #6 “Lessons About Me - Part 1”) I was sorting out the fact that I now need to figure out just what I am as I face this new life that is looming on the horizon.

I routinely feel lost because I only operated as a part of a team. Thinking of myself now - in any form - just leaves me a bit speechless and bewildered.

So as I try to sort out me - I find the exercise a bit frustrating since I do not know how to proceed. And this coming from the over-active analyst!

So it was, when a friend mentioned that she was using the services of a dating web site to see what the world of potential people for her might look like - it got me thinking.

No, not because I thought I might go shopping. The thought struck me that in order to be a candidate on these sites - you really have to define yourself - answer questions and think about what you would like to present.

So as I continued to ponder the situation, I decided to enroll in two sites. One that uses a bit more data and is a bit more selective, the other a bit more open and serving a larger audience.

Within a week then - I had enrolled in both sites. The fees I considered the tuition necessary to earn the “Defining Myself” degree. I made a six month commitment to both.

This was in mid-April.

It was quite an exercise to answer the questions. Some to me were more superficial - others more deep. The first reaction I had to being in this new world was that the majority of users say one thing but for whatever the reason - do not really work too hard to define themselves.

I on the other hand - ran into the space limitations the sites place on text entries. This seemed odd as expressing ourselves would seem to be a good tool in order to facilitate the mission of learning about other people.

Both sites rely on narratives that you write as well as simple questions and often just multiple choice answers. I answered everything I could - often re-purposing some of their boilerplate categories to fit my objectives.

The way this seemed to work was that for about three weeks there was a lot of activity. Most likely because you set criteria for the attributes you are looking for in a person - and the system examines the other users to see how they fit your choices with theirs.

This goes on for a while and then - in the fourth week - for me - at least - the activity simmered down.

During this time - I read many profiles. It was also an education as to what others thought was worth sharing about themselves. The entire enterprise was like sitting in a hotel lobby. In a hotel lobby you see a little bit of everything go by. This was no different - except it was all online.

And also during this introductory period - I wrote my profiles over several times. Re-stating and repurposing what I had previously written. And in each cycle - I became more acquainted with the person I was really interested in meeting. That would be me.

I started to find out about myself.

When challenged about what I was saying about myself and how others saw me I found out an interesting thing. There are not many candidates out there who seem to be all that deep. At one level that is not a shock.

So as of now, the project has a bit of a comical nature to it. If anything - I have had more contact with scammers - as they call them - people who use fake profiles - I guess to entangle people to expose their finances or other personal information. Fortunately for me - I see though this quite clearly. And it has become somewhat entertaining.

I also routinely tell God I do not have any faith in these mechanisms really connecting me to anyone. My profiles are replete with references to God and my faith and my background. On the one site - that one with the more constant stream of candidates - I ended up changing my profile.

Actually it started out with me just writing a parody profile expressing my frustration with what I saw in those looking for a candidate. Several people I showed it to suggested that I make it my actual profile. So I did. And on the other site with more restrictions - used portions of it as I could.

I consider it a bit of a “scarecrow”. If someone can read it and actually reach out to me - well - I consider them worth a contact - if for nothing else than to have a chat with.

Just so you know what I have written - I am including the “parody” profile here:

(Please note - I have been in this world for several weeks for the first time - it has been very awkward but interesting - sort of like being in a Hotel lobby. I have read countless profiles by now and due to my analytical nature and sense of humor - I have written my profile as a parody. It is not meant to be offensive. Consider it part quarantine frustration, part of a reflection of the absurdity of all of this and a desire to be truthful. If you are offended at all, just block me as you accept my apologies. If you are brave enough to go on, bless you for your spunk.)

Hi,

I know you were expecting a picture of Matt Damon here - but all you have is me.

I’m looking for a girl who will value me more than her dog. Don’t get me wrong - pets are fine but I’m really not a dog person and yet I am caring and affectionate and a guy. Who knew?

My goal is to have a relationship - with you - activities are not the first priority - so if you are set on going to the Great Wall of China, zip lining over Niagara Falls (yes they do have that), hang gliding off the mountains near Rio or the latest cool thing everyone is doing, I’m really not your match.

As corny and hokey as this sounds - I’m looking to love someone. To make them the most important person in my life. I’ve tasted that type of relationship so I know of what I speak.

I’m praying that I can find someone who is not only interested in the honest, loyal and funny guy you all seem to seek - but someone who will change their outlook to love me with their whole heart. All of it. Sorry fido - take it outside.

When our love is based on us caring for each other without reservation - all the other things, the activities, interests and all that will take care of themselves. They will be there - in their rightful place…second. Even fido.

We’ll share what pleases both of us - it will not be like a union contract - where two sides figure out how to co-exist - but a true blending of personalities - blending not because they have to - but because they want to.

That’s it.

And oh by the way - your profile picture is not what this is all based on - but if your picture looks like a DMV photo or is somber, sad or just plain scary, then I’m not going to be all that interested. How could I be? You don’t seem to be!

You’ll have to display that sparkle - that inner you - the part that makes you lovable - and yes - it is in the eye of the beholder - but there has to be that part of you that is that lovable you in your photos before I’ll be captivated. We’ll have to see that little spark - in each other - for this to start. Oh right, you’ll have to have a picture or two to even get in the park.

I’m conservative, deeply focused on God (sorry but He will come first - but that should be how you feel as well for this to work out) and not a typical guy. No trucks, no sports - just a devotion to what will make a life worth living - that would be you - if you feel the same way.

Let’s see where this will go! I don’t mind being challenged...how about you? We can at least say hello, have a few laughs as we chat and if nothing else at least make a new friend - if I haven’t scared you to death - that is. I’m actually quite harmless once you get past the parody of it all. After all, there are some of us who are looking for more than a traveling companion (nothing wrong with that if that’s all you are after) - we are looking for something more - we just want to love and be loved.

When it clicks - it won’t be all that complicated. Not as complicated as this first part seems to be.

The journey continues as I get to know that person I always thought I knew - until now.

15. Lessons About Me - Part 2

Written Tuesday, June 2, 2020 / Day 295 / Evening

In part 1 (Volume 8 - Essay #6 “Lessons About Me - Part 1”) I was sorting out the fact that I now need to figure out just what I am as I face this new life that is looming on the horizon.

I routinely feel lost because I only operated as a part of a team. Thinking of myself now - in any form - just leaves me a bit speechless and bewildered.

So as I try to sort out me - I find the exercise a bit frustrating since I do not know how to proceed. And this coming from the over-active analyst!

So it was, when a friend mentioned that she was using the services of a dating web site to see what the world of potential people for her might look like - it got me thinking.

No, not because I thought I might go shopping. The thought struck me that in order to be a candidate on these sites - you really have to define yourself - answer questions and think about what you would like to present.

So as I continued to ponder the situation, I decided to enroll in two sites. One that uses a bit more data and is a bit more selective, the other a bit more open and serving a larger audience.

Within a week then - I had enrolled in both sites. The fees I considered the tuition necessary to earn the “Defining Myself” degree. I made a six month commitment to both.

This was in mid-April.

It was quite an exercise to answer the questions. Some to me were more superficial - others more deep. The first reaction I had to being in this new world was that the majority of users say one thing but for whatever the reason - do not really work too hard to define themselves.

I on the other hand - ran into the space limitations the sites place on text entries. This seemed odd as expressing ourselves would seem to be a good tool in order to facilitate the mission of learning about other people.

Both sites rely on narratives that you write as well as simple questions and often just multiple choice answers. I answered everything I could - often re-purposing some of their boilerplate categories to fit my objectives.

The way this seemed to work was that for about three weeks there was a lot of activity. Most likely because you set criteria for the attributes you are looking for in a person - and the system examines the other users to see how they fit your choices with theirs.

This goes on for a while and then - in the fourth week - for me - at least - the activity simmered down.

During this time - I read many profiles. It was also an education as to what others thought was worth sharing about themselves. The entire enterprise was like sitting in a hotel lobby. In a hotel lobby you see a little bit of everything go by. This was no different - except it was all online.

And also during this introductory period - I wrote my profiles over several times. Re-stating and repurposing what I had previously written. And in each cycle - I became more acquainted with the person I was really interested in meeting. That would be me.

I started to find out about myself.

When challenged about what I was saying about myself and how others saw me I found out an interesting thing. There are not many candidates out there who seem to be all that deep. At one level that is not a shock.

I also routinely tell God I do not have any faith in these mechanisms really connecting me to anyone. My profiles are replete with references to God and my faith and my background. On the one site - that one with the more constant stream of candidates - I ended up changing my profile.

Actually it started out with me just writing a parody profile expressing my frustration with what I saw in those looking for a candidate. Several people I showed it to suggested that I make it my actual profile. So I did. And on the other site with more restrictions - used portions of it as I could.

I consider it a bit of a “scarecrow”. If someone can read it and actually reach out to me - well - I consider them worth a contact - if for nothing else than to have a chat with.

Just so you know what I have written - I am including the “parody” profile here:

Hi,

I know you were expecting a picture of Matt Damon here - but all you have is me.

I’m looking for a girl who will value me more than her dog. Don’t get me wrong - pets are fine but I’m really not a dog person and yet I am caring and affectionate and a guy. Who knew?

As corny and hokey as this sounds - I’m looking to love someone. To make them the most important person in my life. I’ve tasted that type of relationship so I know of what I speak.

I’m praying that I can find someone who is not only interested in the honest, loyal and funny guy you all seem to seek - but someone who will change their outlook to love me with their whole heart. All of it. Sorry fido - take it outside.

When our love is based on us caring for each other without reservation - all the other things, the activities, interests and all that will take care of themselves. They will be there - in their rightful place…second. Even fido.

We’ll share what pleases both of us - it will not be like a union contract - where two sides figure out how to co-exist - but a true blending of personalities - blending not because they have to - but because they want to.

That’s it.

And oh by the way - your profile picture is not what this is all based on - but if your picture looks like a DMV photo or is somber, sad or just plain scary, then I’m not going to be all that interested. How could I be? You don’t seem to be!

I’m conservative, deeply focused on God (sorry but He will come first - but that should be how you feel as well for this to work out) and not a typical guy. No trucks, no sports - just a devotion to what will make a life worth living - that would be you - if you feel the same way.

When it clicks - it won’t be all that complicated. Not as complicated as this first part seems to be.

The journey continues as I get to know that person I always thought I knew - until now.

Recent Posts

Comments