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16. The Second Wave


It's really never over.

Written Monday, September 2, 2019 / Day 21 / Afternoon


I have found an interesting problem among the plethora of new problems living with grief provides.


By now - this is the beginning of the fourth week - the immediate circles of friends and acquaintances are aware of what has happened.


The flow of cards and wishes has subsided as the news has gone through the network.


Today as I was headed over to my son's - he sent me a message about picking up Chinese food for dinner. At first I thought that was a great idea. We go to a wonderful place near our home.


But then the thought grabbed me - I would have to face them with the news.


And they know nothing about what happened.


Over the years we have become friendly with the owner - a sweet person who puts herself completely into her work. My wife took a special interest in her - we got to know her family a bit - her children as well. It wasn't a deep relationship but more than the normal customer one.


So the thought of having to tell her the news completely threw me off. I cried at just the thought of it. So how well can this go in person?


We decided on another dinner alternative but this episode brought to mind what was ahead.


Telling acquaintances who have no idea of what happened - what happened.


I don't want to shock anyone - but it will be a shock to them. They will react, of course - I know how I would react in such a situation.


It brings to mind an optometrist we had known for decades. We had just moved to the area over 30 years ago and went to have our eyes examined. The optometrist was also new to the area. We followed his practice around. He was Italian like my wife so they got along famously and we had a good relationship with him.


One December we received a notification from his practice informing us that the optometrist had suddenly passed away - the previous July 4th weekend!


We were in total shock - disbelief and despair. Not only that we were prevented from the normal protocols (as I certainly know from just experiencing them myself). So we did not have a real closure there. It was bothering us regularly and when we would bring it up years later we still had a pang of grief.


So I'm thinking that my news may not be that old - however, future encounters will likely create a wave of shock as well.


I'm also worried about myself. We'll see what reality brings but I can just envision from their strong reaction that I may also have a strong reaction. Of all the things that I thought would bother me but did not, strong reactions from those who came to see me unexpectedly took me out.


I will pray that any encounters will not be that traumatic. I'm sure they will be lurking ahead. And as they do I will pray for strength.


I don't want to upset anyone - this can't help but do that. I'm sure they don't want to upset me - but as I'm learning - it's not the worst thing in the world.


I've already experienced that.


The aftermath will be a long continuing story.


I only pray that strength will be there when I need it.

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