18. Oblivious

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Written Thursday, December 12, 2019 / Day 122 / Early Morning

Funny thing about being oblivious about something - the very definition of the idea means you have no idea of what is going on. What a paradox - the situation or thing is there right in front of you - but it is not visible to you. And there you are right in front of it!

The idea here is really quite deep. The concept of obliviousness was driven home to me recently. The realization was based on - what appears to me - a totally mundane issue. The scope of my current situation in direct contrast to how trivial this problem was.

Back in 2007 we took on the task that we wanted to accomplish for so many years - renovating our kitchen and its attached living space. We were blessed to find a remarkable general contractor who smoothed out all the inevitable issues that are bound to arise during such a project. We even had the windows replaced.

In the living area, there had been wooden shutters there which we had just lived with for years. After the remodeling we removed the shutters. Now we had a dilemma - for us anyway - what to do with the opening. We did not want shades and other options so we just did nothing for the moment.

As a temporary fix we found a couple of spring rods and my wife had two curtain panels that fit in the spring rods which provided the covering we wanted until we came up with a solution.

So the drill would be every evening to put up the spring rods and in the morning when we got up, pull then down for the day.

Well, life then reved up and dealing with those curtains fell to the bottom of the priority list. For months and months. I started to dislike the task and would complain regularly about those drapes. Could there be no other solution? We seemed to be afraid of the new windows.

They had a plastic frame and the thought of drilling into that frame seemed risky. So we never went there.

In the present day - when I was trying to live my days in this new state of grief, beside grief and its friends - those spring rods were with me every day.

In my motivation to do everything differently I declared that those spring rods would have to go! So I bought a pair of those temporary paper shades that are used during renovations. They just adhered to the frame and provided a welcome relief to my daily spring rod ritual.

Then I happened to find, while cleaning out some things, a pair of cellular shade we had bought on super markdown. The thought was we would use them some day but never did.

I was curious about whether the shades would actually fit in those windows. To my surprise when I put them up to the window - they covered the glass perfectly! Then I looked at the bracket and the window frame that we had though was so fragile. I thought let me give this a try.

It didn’t take long to do and the result was amazing. They fit! The brackets went in to the plastic frame without a problem. And the shades look so nice. I actually have a rare positive emotion every time I look at them.

The irony here is - I put those spring rods up and took them down - for twelve years! Twelve years? Are you kidding? What was wrong with us? Me? How did I allow myself to not look into a solution earlier? What was going on here?

Obliviousness. Endless obliviousness as it now appears.

The solution was there - I just did not expend the energy to look into one. Life had taken over and looking into things like that took time. Time which I was not willing to invest - for twelve years? Every time I think of this I am just incredulous about my own stupidity here. Or whatever it was.

It was extreme obliviousness.

So this begs the question - and an unsolvable problem for sure - what else is holding me back that I am oblivious to? My current world has flushed my pre-grief life down the proverbial toilet. It is gone. Perhaps those assumptions that kept me from looking at those spring rods were part of that. Who knows?

The problem with understanding the concept of obliviousness is quite the paradox. Based on its very nature this means I am not currently seeing what the obvious limitations to my life are. They could be right in front of me - like those spring rods - and I could not see them if I wanted to see them.

It is quite a revelation.

So my take away on this is that I must challenge anything I have established as a reason for not doing something. I must examine those ideas to see if they are really preferences or are the preferences masquerading as limitations? Blockages that exist in my own mind that are keeping me from advancing? This seems to be significant as far as the state of grief is right now. My world right now could not be any simpler. I can have it no other way because I cannot process life right now.

But every time I look at those new clean, fresh cellular shades, the little bell in my head goes off. “What else are you being oblivious to?” Is what they say to me.

It is an insight that can benefit all of us.

Not that I want that future that I currently reject today any more than I wanted it yesterday.

But when it ever comes and I somehow can operate in it - I will always remember those spring rods. And their elegant and positive solution.

I am at least now aware that I am oblivious. To something else.

And my prayer is that the future that does await me is as uplifting and positive as those silly little cellular shades are to me today.

18. Oblivious

Written Thursday, December 12, 2019 / Day 122 / Early Morning

Funny thing about being oblivious about something - the very definition of the idea means you have no idea of what is going on. What a paradox - the situation or thing is there right in front of you - but it is not visible to you. And there you are right in front of it!

The idea here is really quite deep. The concept of obliviousness was driven home to me recently. The realization was based on - what appears to me - a totally mundane issue. The scope of my current situation in direct contrast to how trivial this problem was.

In the living area, there had been wooden shutters there which we had just lived with for years. After the remodeling we removed the shutters. Now we had a dilemma - for us anyway - what to do with the opening. We did not want shades and other options so we just did nothing for the moment.

As a temporary fix we found a couple of spring rods and my wife had two curtain panels that fit in the spring rods which provided the covering we wanted until we came up with a solution.

So the drill would be every evening to put up the spring rods and in the morning when we got up, pull then down for the day.

Well, life then reved up and dealing with those curtains fell to the bottom of the priority list. For months and months. I started to dislike the task and would complain regularly about those drapes. Could there be no other solution? We seemed to be afraid of the new windows.

They had a plastic frame and the thought of drilling into that frame seemed risky. So we never went there.

In the present day - when I was trying to live my days in this new state of grief, beside grief and its friends - those spring rods were with me every day.

In my motivation to do everything differently I declared that those spring rods would have to go! So I bought a pair of those temporary paper shades that are used during renovations. They just adhered to the frame and provided a welcome relief to my daily spring rod ritual.

Then I happened to find, while cleaning out some things, a pair of cellular shade we had bought on super markdown. The thought was we would use them some day but never did.

I was curious about whether the shades would actually fit in those windows. To my surprise when I put them up to the window - they covered the glass perfectly! Then I looked at the bracket and the window frame that we had though was so fragile. I thought let me give this a try.

It didn’t take long to do and the result was amazing. They fit! The brackets went in to the plastic frame without a problem. And the shades look so nice. I actually have a rare positive emotion every time I look at them.

The irony here is - I put those spring rods up and took them down - for twelve years! Twelve years? Are you kidding? What was wrong with us? Me? How did I allow myself to not look into a solution earlier? What was going on here?

Obliviousness. Endless obliviousness as it now appears.

The solution was there - I just did not expend the energy to look into one. Life had taken over and looking into things like that took time. Time which I was not willing to invest - for twelve years? Every time I think of this I am just incredulous about my own stupidity here. Or whatever it was.

It was extreme obliviousness.

The problem with understanding the concept of obliviousness is quite the paradox. Based on its very nature this means I am not currently seeing what the obvious limitations to my life are. They could be right in front of me - like those spring rods - and I could not see them if I wanted to see them.

It is quite a revelation.

But every time I look at those new clean, fresh cellular shades, the little bell in my head goes off. “What else are you being oblivious to?” Is what they say to me.

It is an insight that can benefit all of us.

Not that I want that future that I currently reject today any more than I wanted it yesterday.

But when it ever comes and I somehow can operate in it - I will always remember those spring rods. And their elegant and positive solution.

I am at least now aware that I am oblivious. To something else.

And my prayer is that the future that does await me is as uplifting and positive as those silly little cellular shades are to me today.

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