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19. Reflections #8

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A look at where we have been.

Written Monday July 20, 2020 / Day 343 / Morning


This Volume 8 is not the end of my journey - it is but a waypoint along the road of this new strange surreal place that is now my life.

And yet - it is but another loss. The end of the season of mourning for what has been lost.


In the cosmic scheme of things - it is by far the smallest of small things when put into the perspective of God’s plan. A plan that we are a part of. A plan made certain of success because of the One who gave of Himself to guarantee for us new lives we cannot even comprehend.


This time then - has been a time of reflection and healing. Because the human spirit was not meant to die. Our relationships not meant to be broken. In that brokenness - the painful revelations of why we needed a Savior - and what He has done for us - are all too evident.

As I now step into the mythical future that I have dreaded for so long - that journey will be new. The essays a reflection of the past life that will soon be in the rear-view mirror of the journey.


At the end of the ninth month, I began a separate set of writings that I called, “Observations on the Essays”. This branch will be more of a blog type of posting. Occasional postings as the situations of the new life emerge. The seven existing postings also have powerful moments that have been as difficult for me as some of the essays have been. If you have the opportunity to read the post “July 12, 2020 - Remnants of the Precious” you’ll see how powerful these writing can be.


As I grappled with a minor health setback this past week - nothing major - it was a fitting time of facing yet more physical reminders of this difficult place. Yet in that affliction developing a resolve fitting with this time of completeness that is ahead.


I declared that I am tired of the struggle and will not accept the onslaught of awful that has been the way of life I have been living. Perhaps this is a sign of the proverbial “moving on” element I hold in so much semantic disdain. Perhaps it is the coming one year - whatever it is - I am embracing the unknown. While knowing God does know the way.


Sadness will always be a companion to everyone in grief - yet now I see than in the completeness of this time will come something new. Something unexpected.


Sadness. Hope. Despair. Joy. Anger. Happiness. Resolve. Words cannot express the fullness of what has taken place these past eleven months - these words touch on just the edges of the journey.


As I reflect on where I am today - reflecting on all that has taken place, now pausing before the fork in the road appears, I am humbled and in awe that I am even here. And no doubt will remain that way as I experience and see whatever God has prepared for me unfolding in the days and weeks and months ahead.

Amen.

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