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2. Comfort

Updated: May 4, 2020

There is no comfort in grief.

Written Monday, August 26, 2019 / Day 14 / Evening


There is no comfort in grief.


There are only periods of time where you are between episodes.


Now two weeks after, I face uncertain days. My practical side knows this and all the cliché's that people will say.


The side that is still madly in love with her is just in trauma.


Everyone is different - in our case I was still madly in love with her. God granted me an incredible love for her. Now it wasn't perfect - there were stresses and issues for sure - but underneath them all was this love.


She would often ask me about me loving her and that she was sorry she would irritate me. I tried to tell her that the love I had for her was different than the irritations of the day. I knew she didn't get that - apparently this was my love for her and only I understood it and then only partially.


I told her I loved her every day - I took the time to hug her, hold her and reassure her that I was still crazy about her.


Only weeks before I had revisited how we came together and how - even at the young age of 22 - I had this incredible need to take care of her. I was able to tell her all about that again - it is one of God's great blessings he gave to me that she was reminded of that - even though I knew she knew.


I only wished I could have filled in the other gaps when others did not reach out to her but people can only be depended upon for so much. Everyone is busy and relationships aren't on the priority list on a day-by-day basis.


When she slept it gave me peace. Peace because for those moments she wasn't contending with anything. I always prayed that each breath would give her strength.


Even though towards the end that was not the case - each breath at the end was like a knife in my heart.


I was with her when God gave her peace...gave her comfort. His gift to me was complete. He now had her spirit like I always told her.


Jesus always spoke of the dead as asleep. Biblically that is the case and state of death despite what Christian culture has turned it into.


The fact is that death is the end. It not just a separation with another who still has a consciousness - otherwise it wouldn't be death.


Now that she is asleep - I find comfort in that fact. Comfort that she is at rest - awaiting that day when we meet Jesus in the clouds and become like him (1 Thessalonians 4:16).


Now I pray that God will comfort me from the loss of such a great gift. A gift I am eternally grateful for and hope that in God's eyes I was a good steward of all that she was.


I know He will bring comfort.


I only pray that it is tomorrow.

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