20. Artifacts

Written Thursday, September 5, 2019 / Day 24 / Early Early Morning

Turns out I am a person who attaches meaning to things. We had been on a crusade to rid ourselves of the unnecessary, the out of date. Many of our friends were on the same page - downsizing as they could.

In my current world - all of the meaning I have attached with things has come crashing down on me. If you want to talk about triggers - I'm in a vast environment full of mouse traps and I can barely make a move without setting one off. Usually a bunch of them go off together.

Now the intensity of this has somewhat decreased so I imagine that there will be a time that the effect will not be as strong.

But I had a realization today about what to do with these seemingly meaningful things.

That was the thought - they are extremely meaningful to me - but in reality who else would care?

I'm sure there are a few items that might interest my son. A few I most likely would insist he take due to their unique historical value.

But to the vast array of other items - items that had historical value only to my wife and I - what of those things?

It especially took me by surprise that many of the items had meaning to my wife and I but were outside my son's life or involvement - those items have nowhere to go - in the sentimental department.

This troubled me because it started to dawn on me - this is another death. Sort of a third party death - one where parts of my life - important moments - will just disappear.

It also reminded me of a dear friend of my wife's - one who had worked with her at her very first job - so they went way back before I was a part of the story.

Over the years her friend had moved away and they lost touch.

But the friend got the inclination at one point to try to find my wife. She spent quite a time on the hunt and eventually found her - by that time we had been married for years.

It was a joyous reunion. The friend's husband was a biochemistry PhD conducting research in things we could only begin to understand. They had a daughter who had multiple health and cognitive problems resulting from a childhood illness.

They lived in Indiana when we made contact again but we were far enough away that we could never meet. That limitation was always frustrating.

When her husband retired he had many plans to fulfill. Unfortunately, he fell into dementia and had a long uncomfortable descent to a sad end to his life.

His wife was left with their daughter - now in her 40's with the mind of a 12 year old.

They were faithful to her all those years and now the friend was the sole caregiver.

They did not have any family in Indiana. The husband had some distant relatives in New York state and the wife was adopted and neither her birth father or mother or adoptive father were still living.

The daughter then had a rare inoperable cancer that resulted in a long difficult time as the disease took its course. Upon her death the friend was now totally alone.

We stayed in touch. She was such a warm and caring person - someone who you would just love to talk to. My wife and her spent countless hours on the phone. Their shortest calls were multiple hours at a minimum.

My wife always had this idea she could move to our area and we would adopt her!

But that was never to be. Her friend found out she had cancer. To me - the incredible stress of her entire life must have been a major factor - she had been alone for so many years there with both her failing husband and special-needs daughter.

The part that haunted me about the situation was that she had been in the hospital then sent home but the problem was too advanced for her to stay at home. She had the wherewithal to contact a lawyer and set up mechanisms to dispose of their assets because there was no other family left. None at all.

We were able to speak with her only a few times before they started to "make her comfortable" which is the medical euphemism for making you unconscious because the pain was too severe.

The friend related that she was home and someone from the medical world had come to take her to the facility where she could be cared for. She wasn't prepared for this and had to grab only a few things before she was taken.

She never returned.

It haunts me to this day.

At that moment her house became a monument to their lives. Only there was no one there to know of the situation - or care.

Her home frozen in time. Whatever was on her desk, in the fridge or sink - the bills to be paid their daughter's belongings, her husband's things - they were all there.

And no one to care.

I would look up her home on Google street view - fortunately or unfortunately you can virtually drive to anyone's home and I was able to see their house - a picture of the house now empty with the artifacts of their lives trapped in it.

Part of her plan was to have the house remodeled and the proceeds given to their designated charitable institutions.

But for me - even though I couldn't see inside - I could envision the empty frozen-in-time home.

I could envision people sifting through the artifacts of their lives - some artifacts to the trash, some to auction.

The fact there was no one to receive any of the artifacts of their lives was deeply touching to me. And we weren't family. It wasn't like I could drive to Indiana and burst in and say - STOP, let me save some of this because I CARE about them!

But no - I couldn't.

One day on Zillow (the real estate web service) I saw the remodeled home. Nicely done - totally and irrevocably remodeled from its prior state. There was no evidence of the previous owners there.

This would make me cry.

And so as I contemplated my own world of artifacts - I was moved to tears.

I don't know why these "things" bother me.

Most likely is because - to me - they represent life - our life. And the lives of those we touched.

And they have nowhere to go. Nowhere to go to honor that life.

So I'll have some tough decisions to make - that only are tough for me.

And I'll have to do what I can - I wouldn't want to put that on my son - he would have no reason to know about the items - only I have that knowledge.

So I'll share what I can and the rest will have to go at some point.

Just not today.

My wife and I, if you have been reading any of these essays, have a strong belief in God. We believe in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 and verse 16. As Paul mentions - there is a coming resurrection of those who do now sleep. A resurrection to a new life that our Savior will be bringing with Him when He returns (Read Colossians 3:3).

The things of today - those artifacts - really have no meaning in that context. For a sentimental, emotional person like me - those artifacts have the gift of life - I can feel it in them - but there will come a day when we will have the gift of a new life beyond our comprehension. Read Romans chapter 8 and verses 18 to 23 if you'd like to know more.

I will deal with the things and as long as I am here - that will be difficult.

But the future holds an incredible life that all these artifacts can only hint at.

A future that we will all share - someday.

Visit our Tribute to the Sine Family to learn more of their story.