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22. When Grief Takes a Holiday

Updated: May 4, 2020


Grief seems to have a weak spot.

Written Friday, September 6, 2019 / Day 25 / Afternoon


This morning something unusual happened. It was the second time it happened on this journey. I woke up refreshed. I woke up rested. I woke up feeling normal.


And it was infinitely odd.


Normal is something I don't do these days. A tiny smidgen of normal tries to show up at times but is immediately crushed by the weight of the environment I current live in.


So to feel "normal" in any way is somewhat of a big deal.


Did grief decide to take a holiday?


I lay there in awe. The bed was comfortable. The setting tranquil. I peeked out at the clock and turned over to savor a few moments of this unexpected calmness.


The house seemed "normal" as well. The mood of it - the atmosphere of it. All of this contributed to this stunning moment.


Dare I get up?


Well that seemed normal as well.


Hmmmm...I was becoming suspicious.


But then reality must have noticed my presence and the most distressing thing happened.

I started thinking.


This could not lead to a good place.


But for a while it didn't. I considered the day. The plans in place to head towards the beach - unless hurricane Dorian devastated the place.


Reports were it didn't. That was happening up north. Our destination seemed to be all right except for power outages.


Then it happened. I don't know how it started - it's hard to know. Sort of like a forest fire. It just takes a spark.


And there was mine.


And down I went.


Not as bad as the previous day. The previous day was a series of falling off emotional cliffs.


My analytical mind echoing in my brain, "Is THIS what I have to go through to get through this?" - moments before the crashes would come.


So maybe the previous day was just a preparation for the morning.


A little bit of tranquility in the midst of the storm.


A lot like being in the eye of the hurricane. There is it relatively calm - until the rest of the storm arrives.


So I prepped for the trip and had a somewhat milder day.


I'll take it.


Grief took a short break.


And for that I was immensely grateful.

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