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23. On the Beach

Updated: May 4, 2020


A new location. A new reality.

Written Sunday, September 8, 2019 / Day 27 / Afternoon


Yesterday, Saturday, was the day that we left for the beach. Something that is totally out of character for me - and by extension would have been with my wife as well.


So off to the adventure I went. Preparations were a welcome distraction. The thought of not being home fighting the memories and endless reminders was encouraging.


However, the thought of being on my own is totally disarming. I am on my own. I have no pressure - other than packing - no obligations.


And no sweetie pie to share it with.


So it goes - the give and take of the new world.


It was a pleasant day when we left and a seemingly uneventful trip.


We arrived in my new reality around 4 pm.


A different world. A welcome change. A little empty but different.


The ocean has its own power, its own majesty and presence. A soothing cascade of sound, a calming sound.


The rental home is magnificent. Large, new and bright. There is a room for everyone. I have my own bed with attached bath. Very nice.


Tagging along is an advantage. The family chugs along with its own energy. The children generating most of that energy. The laid-back atmosphere fits completely with my mood. When I can tell what my mood is.


It’s hard to focus so I hang back. It’s hard to engage in a lot of conversation at this point so I show up and then retreat into my room.


I bought a new computer. The purchase was on the agenda all year. My wife encouraged me to buy it before but I couldn’t because it would have taken me away from her and I could not be comfortable with that.


Now that I have it - It’s like I was able to fulfill her intention of buying it.


I had received it a few days before we left but I did not open it. I would wait until we got to the beach.


A symbolic gesture, for sure, and one that made sense to me.


New environment, new computer, new beginning.


Sort of.


But it’s a start.


I’m not a beach person so it will be interesting.


The views are stunning - the house sits on the beach.


This will be good for me I know.


It’s like grief has been relegated to a holding pen.


It’s still out there but its power is somewhat limited.


This makes my entire being somewhat numb.


I will take the advice of a dear friend who commented on the photo I emailed of the home.


She said enjoy your time…just don’t think too much.


I think that’s a great idea.


We’re leaving for dinner now. That’s what I’ll focus on.

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