3. Lessons of March 2020

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Written Tuesday, March 31, 2020 / Day 232 / Afternoon

These words cannot portray the depths of what you are about to read. They cannot convey the stunning changes to my life. Changes that I had longed for. Changes that were delivered. Changes that I may perhaps never really be able to absorb.

For the lessons contained in March, 2020 for me are beyond my comprehension.

That they have occurred at all is like a dream.

I have felt as if I have observed a UFO and no one really understands what has happened to me.

Yet the changes are real. And they are all from God.

Lesson #1: God answers prayers.

Why does this surprise me? I know it is true. I have had it happen before in my life. But not on this scale. Not in this way. Not with this impact.

Yet it happened. God heard me. He sent an answer.

Learning about the answer was another privilege He gave me. Being able to see the details, the connections, what everyone was thinking as they stepped through the moments - these revelations were absolutely stunning to me. I have been, and will continue to be humbled at the very experience of them.

Lesson #2: God can change the worst situation into the best situation.

God took the incomprehensible world of grief I was in, the vacuum of a life I had to endure while the world and everything I knew continued on in blissful ignorance as to what was really going on in my every moment in grief - He took that world and disabled it.

He sent someone who took a step to help a stranger and in taking that step brought God’s spirit into the darkest place imaginable and unleashed that spirit to forever disarm the forces of darkness that were my world.

I marvel at the scope of what has happened. In one moment my dark world became light. Hope arrived. Love appeared. And I will never be the same.

Lesson #3: God can connect people in unique ways.

I marvel that I have been blessed with my prayer of conversation with someone who I seem to know as if I had a history with them. Open, caring, compassionate along with wit and humor that has a maturity that belies its elapsed time.

Instant maturity. Comfort and compassion that disarms the suffering of the past and replaces it with peace and calm. This is God’s doing - only He can adjust us in these ways.

Why do I marvel?

Because it is God’s doing. There’s no way for me to not marvel at that.

Lesson #4: God’s timing is always perfect.

Underneath my past of suffering, I always knew a time of change would be coming. In this situation as in any trial, there are not any physical things you can do to change the moments. Sure, there are physical things that people often use but those things are mere masks that cover the true pain.

The way I endured was not based on anything I ever did. I held on to the promises of God. I held on to Christ’s finished work. I just held on in the midst of the tears. Knowing that my salvation from grief would come.

And it did.

In His time. That time was March, 2020.

Lesson #5: God has a new life for me.

Perhaps the most incomprehensible reality for me is that God has a new life for me to live. This is the most difficult lesson I have had to learn. I was happy with the life I had. I was dedicated to it and the one who was at the center of every conceivable part of what it represented. Any life without her - a non-negotiable issue that I would refuse to address.

But in March, 2020, God through his emissary has opened my mind and ultimately my heart - and when that heart is able to function again, open it to the possibility that I will somehow have a new life of my own.

A life where I do something. For now, I have no idea who I am. I have always been a “we’ not a “me”. The course ahead then will be interesting, formidable and most likely challenging. Yet, in embracing the future - I have now agreed to what He always knew and has planned for. Some new destination for me.

Lesson #6: I have things to learn.

We are always learning. Now in this transitory place of preparation, I will be taught what I will need to know. My slate of life wiped clean from the devastation that has taken place. It is a fresh instance which God will lead me to fill with His will for me.

Coming from my grief-induced disdain for this world - a world that dropped me off by the side of the road before it sped off with my former life to take it to the oblivion in which it disappeared - I have no opinion about most everything. Apparently just what the builder needs to build something new.

He is good at that. He is a God of new things. Looks like I will be one of them.

The words on this page cannot touch your heart as they touch mine.

I wish they could.

These experiences are perhaps only for me.

But one thing I do know, I will not be shy about sharing them. They happened. I lived them. I want others to know. To see God in their lives. To know they can depend upon Him - just as I have.

And as I head off to the future - always will.

3. Lessons of March 2020

Written Tuesday, March 31, 2020 / Day 232 / Afternoon

These words cannot portray the depths of what you are about to read. They cannot convey the stunning changes to my life. Changes that I had longed for. Changes that were delivered. Changes that I may perhaps never really be able to absorb.

For the lessons contained in March, 2020 for me are beyond my comprehension.

That they have occurred at all is like a dream.

I have felt as if I have observed a UFO and no one really understands what has happened to me.

Yet the changes are real. And they are all from God.

Lesson #1: God answers prayers.

Why does this surprise me? I know it is true. I have had it happen before in my life. But not on this scale. Not in this way. Not with this impact.

Yet it happened. God heard me. He sent an answer.

Learning about the answer was another privilege He gave me. Being able to see the details, the connections, what everyone was thinking as they stepped through the moments - these revelations were absolutely stunning to me. I have been, and will continue to be humbled at the very experience of them.

Lesson #2: God can change the worst situation into the best situation.

God took the incomprehensible world of grief I was in, the vacuum of a life I had to endure while the world and everything I knew continued on in blissful ignorance as to what was really going on in my every moment in grief - He took that world and disabled it.

He sent someone who took a step to help a stranger and in taking that step brought God’s spirit into the darkest place imaginable and unleashed that spirit to forever disarm the forces of darkness that were my world.

I marvel at the scope of what has happened. In one moment my dark world became light. Hope arrived. Love appeared. And I will never be the same.

Lesson #3: God can connect people in unique ways.

I marvel that I have been blessed with my prayer of conversation with someone who I seem to know as if I had a history with them. Open, caring, compassionate along with wit and humor that has a maturity that belies its elapsed time.

Instant maturity. Comfort and compassion that disarms the suffering of the past and replaces it with peace and calm. This is God’s doing - only He can adjust us in these ways.

Why do I marvel?

Because it is God’s doing. There’s no way for me to not marvel at that.

Lesson #4: God’s timing is always perfect.

Underneath my past of suffering, I always knew a time of change would be coming. In this situation as in any trial, there are not any physical things you can do to change the moments. Sure, there are physical things that people often use but those things are mere masks that cover the true pain.

The way I endured was not based on anything I ever did. I held on to the promises of God. I held on to Christ’s finished work. I just held on in the midst of the tears. Knowing that my salvation from grief would come.

And it did.

In His time. That time was March, 2020.

Lesson #5: God has a new life for me.

But in March, 2020, God through his emissary has opened my mind and ultimately my heart - and when that heart is able to function again, open it to the possibility that I will somehow have a new life of my own.

Lesson #6: I have things to learn.

We are always learning. Now in this transitory place of preparation, I will be taught what I will need to know. My slate of life wiped clean from the devastation that has taken place. It is a fresh instance which God will lead me to fill with His will for me.

He is good at that. He is a God of new things. Looks like I will be one of them.

The words on this page cannot touch your heart as they touch mine.

I wish they could.

These experiences are perhaps only for me.

But one thing I do know, I will not be shy about sharing them. They happened. I lived them. I want others to know. To see God in their lives. To know they can depend upon Him - just as I have.

And as I head off to the future - always will.

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