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These are posts about the continuing experience outside the Essays. As the journey has progressed - so has the atmosphere. These writing continue the journey as the essays were completed as of July 20, 2020. Read of that moment as the essays came to a conclusion here - "Lessons from the Essays" or hear the narration of that post - "Lessons of the Essays - Narrated".

My life ended. My grief journey began.

The Essays.

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Entering the state of grief

The state of grief is not something you choose to be in. You become a participant because of your loss. You have no choice.

Entering the world of grief is disorienting, frustrating and numbing.

Think of it for a moment - your pattern of life is now gone. The connection to the most important person in your life (spouse) or family member is gone. They will no longer be with you.

In this sense - grief takes you to a place where life stops.

Dealing with death - something that we are all so unprepared and ill-equipped to handle, takes this cessation of life beyond the person we have lost. Death stops everything. Not only for you - but for those who will respond - friends, family, acquaintances. Their life pauses as well - no matter what is going on in their worlds at that moment. The regular excuses of being busy cannot stand in the face of death.

My choices of personal commitments may be driven by many factors - but when death appears - all bets are off. Nothing is more important than responding.

For the immediate victims of death - their stopped life becomes a surreal place - an empty place.

All the events leading up to the moment take you to the loss. Then, at this most disarming, disabling and confusing time - we are thrust into the mechanics of death. The protocols we must deal with, the decisions that have to be made - everyone scrambling for what is “correct” in the midst of not having a clue what to do.

Once the first weeks ebb…and the network of relationships processes the news at varying levels..the world picks up its bags - and moves on.

After all, the pattern of life must continue. There is an appropriate and socially correct amount to time to respond - for everyone else.

But we are still here. In the wreckage of our lives. Our patterns and cycles destroyed.

Everything we had been doing previously - now strangely silent.

Everyone moves on.

But us.

And there with us - is grief.

So confused and disoriented, we are left to navigate some type of life.

The only thing for sure at this point - is that we have no idea about anything we are now suppose to do..

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