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5. Re-entry


Not always a soft landing.

Written Wednesday, October 23, 2019 / Day 72 / Afternoon


As I process what has taken place in this past week I am stunned on several levels.


First is how incredibly difficult this day and the previous night have been. No doubt the continual flow of conversation of what took place 72 days ago and all that surrounds it has been quite a bit for me to take.


There, I marveled at a relative stability. After that first day of shock about why I was there and dealing with the hotel and being alone - I settled into a routine of sorts. As humans we do adapt to anything and this situation is no different.


Focusing on my mother-in-law was perhaps the strongest diversion I had. She could not do all that much so spending time with her was important.


I showed her the photos in my iPad mini - I had begun a project 4 years ago to put our photos in a digital format to preserve what I could and share what was sharable with others. We spent a lot of our time doing that over the week.


She knew I had others to see and in a sense I knew I was not her daughter. Family is family and I was something but obviously not the same as her daughter would be. So I know there was some of that.


The focus though - on her and then trying to line up times to meet others was a bit of a job. Especially for me the way my capabilities have been so limited these days.


Everything worked - despite the continual awkwardness, emptiness and irrationality of the situation (to me) quite well. The weight of the moment though was always there.


As I was flying home yesterday, it was also still quite odd. I have a definite problem assessing the trip, my mood and “how I am”. That’s quite challenging for the analyst when he can not analyze his own situation.


But such is life at the moment.


The laundry is now done.


In the midst of the awful moments the end of the day has arrived.


Tomorrow will begin the 5 weeks of the support group for coping with the loss of a spouse.


Before I had left for the trip I thought that the group would be interesting and helpful to have something to do.


Having returned I am finding that these sessions seem essential.


God’s timing is always elegant and correct.

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