6. "Why do you love me?"

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It was more than could be seen - much more.

Written Friday, November 22, 2019 / Day 102 / Evening

One of the constants towards the end of our extraordinary relationship was Joann’s frequent question to me, “Why do you love me?”.

In one sense I though she always knew. I know I did. But I was on the one side of the equation she was on the other. It is difficult to know someone else’s heart.

I just knew that we came together in the most extraordinary way as I have written in previous essays.

My answer to the question always seemed to perplex her. I knew she was always trying to figure things out - but our love - after all those years - was something that seemingly mystified her.

I don’t know if my answer ever satisfied her completely. It was as clear to me on that first day as it turned out to be on the last. Sure as humans - it wasn’t the same intensity as in the beginning.

When you are 20 - you just cannot be the same person when you are in your 60’s or 70’s.

But to me one thing was the same. At least to me.

And that thing was the bond that was created between us at the very beginning.

If you think about your relationships - which ones are based on superficial elements? In traditional cases it could be looks, profession or ability. These things do connect people. But the problem with those elements is that when they change - the basis of the relationship will also change.

If the relationship is based on a superficial element - it is very clear when that element changes so will the relationship.

Perhaps that is why there is so much confusion in our society as far as relationships go. They are based on current conditions - and that is not a formula for endurance.

My relationship with Joann started out in the most innocent way. And it was not based on the superficial. We both came from backgrounds where in all of our previous days we never had a true deep love in our lives. Our parents never supplied it. The relationships we had with others had not supplied it. We had shadows of it - in certain situations, with certain people but never what you would call “the real thing”.

So when our innocent interactions began to connect us - connect us in a way we were not even perceiving was taking place - we started to experience something we had never experienced in our lives before. Someone actually caring about us in a deeper way than we ever had known.

Our intentions never were to pursue anything other than a cordial, friendly relationship. She was funny - a little flirty, but that was her instincts reaching out to everyone to try to find a connection. I was so inexperienced in relationships I had no idea what I was doing. I only had an idea that I was encountering something I had never encountered before.

As time went on - these encounters took on a life of there own. We were connecting on a level even we did not quite grasp. Two loveless people were beginning to experience the unleashing of something that would grow beyond ourselves. Beyond our sensibilities of the day. Beyond our ability to ignore what it was becoming.

All this, remember based on nothing more than conversation. There was nothing beyond that. We recognized that and respected each other enough to never go beyond there in any way and we never did.

All this to say what finally was formed had a bond that transcended what a conventional ”normal” relationship looked like.

This is why it looked so trite, so usual and dare I say trashy to the casual observer. When you examine something on the surface - from the observer level - you cannot see what is really behind what is visible. Traditionally that is physical and run-of-the-mill.

What had formed between us was nothing like that. Nothing like that at all.

The bond that was formed between us was enduring - it had a deep and solid foundation.

We had replaced the emptiness in both of our lives with something so concrete - it filled that void with a love that is even now - difficult for me to explain or quantify. It just was. And for me still is.

This bond was beyond the normal relationship. In addition, the volatile situations that would be unleashed in our early days together - by what was built between us - would only serve to solidify that bond even more.

When you have that type of bond - that foundation - there is little that can destroy it.

Certainly things can and will come against it. As flesh - we humans suffer from weaknesses. We are bothered, we get angry - we snap - we bite.

Yes these things happen - but if the bond that is between those persons is solid - those superficial occurrences can not touch that deep foundation.

Such was our relationship.

When I would answer the question - and from the first time I answered it - I did not even hesitate for one second. My answer, “God lets me sees the part of you He sees - that’s why I love you so much.”.

I know that did not reach her on one level. She would think those human failings were a sign that our love was not what we thought it was - that it was damaged or affected by our human reactions.

I do not believe I could ever make her truly see that in this life - but I know what I know.

And I know that the foundation we had was beyond even us. It was forged in fire. It transcended even us because God’s love was behind it.

No human will can persevere for so long and so diligently - this type of love is beyond us.

I never loved her for superficial reasons as our relationship started. I often told her that I first fell in love with her brain! It was her essence that I fell in love with. Her humor, her wit, her caring and compassion. All these things were an expression of God in her. How could I not love that?

And then she was cute. That did come next - but it was always second to what had come before.

I hoped that within me she saw the same. From that day in the new apartment when compassion and caring for her washed away any other way of thinking that I had and led me to tell her on that night that I would never leave her to be alone to suffer by herself - we entered something beyond special.

And until that last breath she took - as I watched her finally be freed of her suffering - that bond we had - was the basis of that incredible love. A love I will always have for her - and long for you, the reader of this essay to appreciate like you have never before.

I only pray that in your life - you have your bond - and know like I have finally learned - God is at the center of it. That God’s love flows though us and if you commit to that type of bond - you will be able to answer the question, “Why do you love me?”, in the same way I could answer my sweetheart.

6. "Why do you love me?"

Written Friday, November 22, 2019 / Day 102 / Evening

One of the constants towards the end of our extraordinary relationship was Joann’s frequent question to me, “Why do you love me?”.

In one sense I though she always knew. I know I did. But I was on the one side of the equation she was on the other. It is difficult to know someone else’s heart.

I just knew that we came together in the most extraordinary way as I have written in previous essays.

My answer to the question always seemed to perplex her. I knew she was always trying to figure things out - but our love - after all those years - was something that seemingly mystified her.

I don’t know if my answer ever satisfied her completely. It was as clear to me on that first day as it turned out to be on the last. Sure as humans - it wasn’t the same intensity as in the beginning.

When you are 20 - you just cannot be the same person when you are in your 60’s or 70’s.

But to me one thing was the same. At least to me.

And that thing was the bond that was created between us at the very beginning.

If you think about your relationships - which ones are based on superficial elements? In traditional cases it could be looks, profession or ability. These things do connect people. But the problem with those elements is that when they change - the basis of the relationship will also change.

If the relationship is based on a superficial element - it is very clear when that element changes so will the relationship.

Perhaps that is why there is so much confusion in our society as far as relationships go. They are based on current conditions - and that is not a formula for endurance.

So when our innocent interactions began to connect us - connect us in a way we were not even perceiving was taking place - we started to experience something we had never experienced in our lives before. Someone actually caring about us in a deeper way than we ever had known.

All this, remember based on nothing more than conversation. There was nothing beyond that. We recognized that and respected each other enough to never go beyond there in any way and we never did.

All this to say what finally was formed had a bond that transcended what a conventional ”normal” relationship looked like.

This is why it looked so trite, so usual and dare I say trashy to the casual observer. When you examine something on the surface - from the observer level - you cannot see what is really behind what is visible. Traditionally that is physical and run-of-the-mill.

What had formed between us was nothing like that. Nothing like that at all.

The bond that was formed between us was enduring - it had a deep and solid foundation.

We had replaced the emptiness in both of our lives with something so concrete - it filled that void with a love that is even now - difficult for me to explain or quantify. It just was. And for me still is.

This bond was beyond the normal relationship. In addition, the volatile situations that would be unleashed in our early days together - by what was built between us - would only serve to solidify that bond even more.

When you have that type of bond - that foundation - there is little that can destroy it.

Certainly things can and will come against it. As flesh - we humans suffer from weaknesses. We are bothered, we get angry - we snap - we bite.

Yes these things happen - but if the bond that is between those persons is solid - those superficial occurrences can not touch that deep foundation.

Such was our relationship.

When I would answer the question - and from the first time I answered it - I did not even hesitate for one second. My answer, “God lets me sees the part of you He sees - that’s why I love you so much.”.

I know that did not reach her on one level. She would think those human failings were a sign that our love was not what we thought it was - that it was damaged or affected by our human reactions.

I do not believe I could ever make her truly see that in this life - but I know what I know.

And I know that the foundation we had was beyond even us. It was forged in fire. It transcended even us because God’s love was behind it.

No human will can persevere for so long and so diligently - this type of love is beyond us.

I never loved her for superficial reasons as our relationship started. I often told her that I first fell in love with her brain! It was her essence that I fell in love with. Her humor, her wit, her caring and compassion. All these things were an expression of God in her. How could I not love that?

And then she was cute. That did come next - but it was always second to what had come before.

I hoped that within me she saw the same. From that day in the new apartment when compassion and caring for her washed away any other way of thinking that I had and led me to tell her on that night that I would never leave her to be alone to suffer by herself - we entered something beyond special.

And until that last breath she took - as I watched her finally be freed of her suffering - that bond we had - was the basis of that incredible love. A love I will always have for her - and long for you, the reader of this essay to appreciate like you have never before.

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