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7. Dear Stephen

Updated: Apr 30, 2020


Difficult has never been more difficult.

Written Friday January 24, 2020 / Day 165 / Late Morning


Dear Stephen (pronounced as Steven),


I know we did not get to say goodbye the way I would have wanted. You know we often talked about death and I always said that we should die together. God had other ideas.


I was coping with so much, so much I never told you about. I know you knew this but I could not bring myself to upset you in any way. I knew how much you were doing for me and thanked God continually for blessing me so richly with your love. I could never thank Him enough. As I told Donna Hughes that time we ran into them at Wal-Mart, I could not have had a better husband.

It was so uncomfortable for me - I know you knew this and if it was up to you you would taken on all of my suffering. I know you would. Those times in the ER, that last time especially, that bed was just so uncomfortable. Maybe it kept me from the focusing on other things. I was just never settled.


God gave me the focus that we were going to go home. Back in 2015, as terrible as all of that was - I never thought I would die. Perhaps that is the confidence I had in God - I knew He was with me and Jesus had me - I know the future that I am now awaiting is sure.


We often talked about how our situation was so difficult. It was harder and harder for me to do things and you were doing everything else - something had to change one way or another.


God decided my race was over.

But now you are there without me. I know how difficult this is for you. Beyond difficult. I loved your affection towards me and from the very beginning you were there for me and never left me. I know that you are struggling without me there.


I know how much it is hurting you.


I do.


I also know that you are in God’s hands. He is leading you as difficult as it is each day.


You will have to go on without me for a while. But God showed us His plans for us through His Holy Days, and all that we studied together those 24 years on our own.


The Bible Studies we held were my joy and you knew that. Like everything else, you always lifted me up and helped me in every way you could.


I just love you so much.


And now God has led you to a new group. They are His people and I know He is bringing them to you so you all can grow together. He has planted you there and you know that it was really His choice.


I went with you as far as I could go. And He made it clear that He was planting you there. I know and you do as well.


You have to let some of me go now. I know you don’t want to - but you know you must.


The bond we shared might be broken in the physical sense but I am a part of you and always will be.


You hear me in so many things. We were one - that’s how I am now with you.


We were so different in our personalities but in our love we were the same.


Every kiss was always new - and you showered me with so many!


Now we know - what God taught us in 1 Thessalonians 4:16 - that day will come when we will enter the next part of God’s plan - together.

I will see you then. Live for Christ - he has me and we both know He has you. Live for Him now - I know you will…


Love Always,


Your Joann. XOXO

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