7. The Music

4 min read

Written Saturday, February 29, 2020 / Day 201 / Morning

One of the interesting elements I have found lately is that I no longer have any music in my heart.

Initially, when this journey began I had a very limited list of 5 or 6 songs that were extremely meaningful. The last song we sang together in the ER, our love song that defined our relationship and several other meaningful melodies.

I would play them in the car while driving - turning up the sound quite a bit and even singing the ones that had words.

I don’t remember when the actual moment occurred but there came a point that I no longer could listen to any of those songs.

Or any songs.

I do not play the radio anyway - I subscribe to Pandora but have not used the service at all.

There is no music in my life right now. That seems odd.

And from what I can discern - I do not want any music right now.

Perhaps the reason for this will become apparent at some point. For now though - it is just odd. Another side-effect of having a life destroyed I suppose.

An equally odd event happened recently which in another context I might have found humorous.

I was just flipping through the television channels looking for something - I do not remember what - and stumbled upon this quirky show. It caught my eye for some reason.

It is not one I will watch on a regular basis but the way it was put together, several elements that were touchingly portrayed and the lead actor caught my attention. I really do not go for musical programs or shows anyway.

As I was engrossed in these elements of the program, there was a song used - a remake of an earlier song, “I’ve Got the Music in Me”. It was put together so well, so intricately as it involved a large group of people and making that all work seamlessly is quite an effort.

As I moved on to whatever was next, a new reality struck.

I could not get this song out of my mind.

It happens to all of us - some song just plants itself in your head and just lives there - continually playing in a loop.

It was unsettling because as I would tell myself, “No, I do not have any music in me!”.

As the song would echo through my mind.

Hmmmmmmm.

If I didn’t know any better I would say this is some sort of cosmic joke.

Here the person with no music in his life has a song stuck in his head about having the music in him.

So I went to research the words of the song. In modern music, the way it is played at times - you do not get to really hear all of the words. So I looked them up:

"I've Got the Music in Me" by The Kiki Dee Band, released in 1974.

Ain't got no trouble in my life

No foolish dream to make me cry

I'm never frightened or worried

I know I'll always get by

I heat up, I cool down

When something gets in my way I go around it

Don't let life get me down

Gonna take it the way that I found it

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

They say that life is a circle

But that ain't the way that I found it

I'm Gonna move in a straight line

Keeping my feet firmly on the ground

I heat up, I cool down

I got words in my head so I say them

Don't let life get me down

Catch a hold of my blues and just play them

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

Feel funky, feel good

Gonna tell you, I'm in the neighborhood

Gonna fly like a bird on a wing

Hold on to your hat honey, sing, sing, sing

Heat up, cool down

I got words in my head so I say them

Don't let life get me down

Catch a hold of my blues and just play them

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

The words are quite positive - yet I’m not really in the market for a theme song right now.

However, the band continues to play.

Of course this brings mind the reason that I do not currently have a song in me.

In my life.

In my heart.

It was my dear sweetie. She was my song. She was everything as I have written about in past essays. That was the song that played in my heart - for 47 years.

So when I lost her to this life, that’s when I lost my song.

Perhaps what is going on now is something. It is dripping with irony and as I mentioned - if I was less in trauma - it would be a little humorous.

So as the song continues to play, I will have this dialog in my head where this is all taking place.

It is one of those situations that will most likely lead to somewhere.

Some place.

Perhaps a place where there will be music playing and there will be a song in my heart...

….again.

7. The Music

Written Saturday, February 29, 2020 / Day 201 / Morning

One of the interesting elements I have found lately is that I no longer have any music in my heart.

Initially, when this journey began I had a very limited list of 5 or 6 songs that were extremely meaningful. The last song we sang together in the ER, our love song that defined our relationship and several other meaningful melodies.

I would play them in the car while driving - turning up the sound quite a bit and even singing the ones that had words.

I don’t remember when the actual moment occurred but there came a point that I no longer could listen to any of those songs.

Or any songs.

I do not play the radio anyway - I subscribe to Pandora but have not used the service at all.

There is no music in my life right now. That seems odd.

And from what I can discern - I do not want any music right now.

Perhaps the reason for this will become apparent at some point. For now though - it is just odd. Another side-effect of having a life destroyed I suppose.

An equally odd event happened recently which in another context I might have found humorous.

I was just flipping through the television channels looking for something - I do not remember what - and stumbled upon this quirky show. It caught my eye for some reason.

It is not one I will watch on a regular basis but the way it was put together, several elements that were touchingly portrayed and the lead actor caught my attention. I really do not go for musical programs or shows anyway.

As I was engrossed in these elements of the program, there was a song used - a remake of an earlier song, “I’ve Got the Music in Me”. It was put together so well, so intricately as it involved a large group of people and making that all work seamlessly is quite an effort.

As I moved on to whatever was next, a new reality struck.

I could not get this song out of my mind.

It happens to all of us - some song just plants itself in your head and just lives there - continually playing in a loop.

It was unsettling because as I would tell myself, “No, I do not have any music in me!”.

As the song would echo through my mind.

Hmmmmmmm.

If I didn’t know any better I would say this is some sort of cosmic joke.

Here the person with no music in his life has a song stuck in his head about having the music in him.

So I went to research the words of the song. In modern music, the way it is played at times - you do not get to really hear all of the words. So I looked them up:

"I've Got the Music in Me" by The Kiki Dee Band, released in 1974.

Ain't got no trouble in my life

No foolish dream to make me cry

I'm never frightened or worried

I know I'll always get by

I heat up, I cool down

When something gets in my way I go around it

Don't let life get me down

Gonna take it the way that I found it

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

They say that life is a circle

But that ain't the way that I found it

I'm Gonna move in a straight line

Keeping my feet firmly on the ground

I heat up, I cool down

I got words in my head so I say them

Don't let life get me down

Catch a hold of my blues and just play them

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

Feel funky, feel good

Gonna tell you, I'm in the neighborhood

Gonna fly like a bird on a wing

Hold on to your hat honey, sing, sing, sing

Heat up, cool down

I got words in my head so I say them

Don't let life get me down

Catch a hold of my blues and just play them

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

[I got the music in me] (3 times)

The words are quite positive - yet I’m not really in the market for a theme song right now.

However, the band continues to play.

Of course this brings mind the reason that I do not currently have a song in me.

In my life.

In my heart.

It was my dear sweetie. She was my song. She was everything as I have written about in past essays. That was the song that played in my heart - for 47 years.

So when I lost her to this life, that’s when I lost my song.

Perhaps what is going on now is something. It is dripping with irony and as I mentioned - if I was less in trauma - it would be a little humorous.

So as the song continues to play, I will have this dialog in my head where this is all taking place.

It is one of those situations that will most likely lead to somewhere.

Some place.

Perhaps a place where there will be music playing and there will be a song in my heart...

….again.

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