May 19, 2020 - On the 160th Essay

A surreal milestone.

Volume 8’s essay number 13 - “Lessons of Completeness” marks the 160th essay in the Essays on Grief series.

To say I am overwhelmed by this is beyond words. Actually most of this experience has been that way.

But the words that have emerged - have found their way to 160 separate little articles that chronicle my life.

It is an exercise that I never planned - nor did I ever set out to write these essays. No, they came on their own schedule. I would always have to stop what I was doing to let the words flow out. Flow out to neatly formed and richly told little vignettes that provide a window into the awful life that was my life.

As of this writing - there are 8 volumes. Each volume roughly covering a month. Each volume with around 20 essays generally.

For me they have been “someone” to talk to. They have revealed the deepest moments of this awful state I have been in. Part diary, part journal, part insight - part therapy, the essays have covered a vast spectrum of topics.

The volumes of the essays have followed this outline (not one that was planned - but the one that emerged along the way):

Volume 1 - “The First Thirty Days” - written from August 23 to September 12, 2019

I marvel at these essays. Perhaps because my life was overwhelmed by everything that had taken place - writing was something that grounded me.

Although every essay has a piece of my soul attached to it - these essays were especially poignant:

8. The Last Hours - something I thought I would never be able to write

9. Coming Home - one of the most difficult times to live through

10. Heartfelt - my cry to God and my bold moment with Him

18. A Love Story - Our story

21. The Perfect Storm - How everything came together to be terrible

Volume 2 - “One Day at a Time” - written September 16, 2019 to October 12, 2019

13. The Banquet - What grief is like

17. Alone - written in the middle of the night when I had the revelation of a lifetime about what I was experiencing

Volume 3 - “Transitions” - written October 13, 2019 to November 10, 2019

9. Dawn - The moment that one of the many true miracles occurred in the journey

20. The Decision - One of the most touching moments of my past life revealed something in the moment that was stunning to me

Volume 4 - “Signposts” - written November 13, 2019 to December 12, 2019

6. Why do you love me? - My dearest Joann’s frequent question to me - and my answer

Volume 5 - “Waypoints” - written December 13, 2019 to January 12, 2020

This volume covered the time up to January 12, 2020. The day my new life began in an unmistakeable way.

18. Now - reflections on the moments we live in and my expression of gratitude for the essays

19. Newness - the story of the beginning of my new life

Volume 6 - “Parting” - written January 12, 2020 to February 12, 2020

One of the most emotional volumes as you will see from the titles.

1. One More - an essay I did not want to write about my absolute last moment with the one I love

5. The Meeting - an amazing look at the emotions in my life from a perspective you would never expect

7. Dear Stephen - A letter from Joann - once written it took weeks to be able to read it out loud

8. Dear Joann - My letter to Joann - this one was also as powerful as number 7

10. Memo to my Life - how I had to say goodbye to a part of my life I never expected

18. One More Goodbye - A final remnant of our incredible love that God granted me to experience

Volume 7 - “Bridges” - written February 16, 2020 to March 15, 2020

This volume chronicles the incredible changes God made to my life and the defeat of the worst grief had to offer. Each essay is powerful but for the sake of this list - here are the most powerful of the powerful:

3. First Love - The story of my love for Joann - a love that never failed for 47 years!

9. The Answer - the astounding moment God sent an amazing person to meet me in my grief

11. One Week - the amazing transition that took place in only one week

12. Cease Fire - my surrender to the future

Volume 8 - “Lessons” - written March 22, 2020 to ?????? 2020

This volume is in progress - it is being written as the lessons continue to emerge. They are all powerful. These are the highlights:

3. Lessons of March, 2020 - probably the essay that sums up all that had been taking place up to that time

8. Lessons from Day 245 - A normal day in which I received truly astounding revelations

9. Lessons from My Last Day in Grief - the story of February 29, 2020 - the day before everything changed

11. Lessons from Joann - one of the most difficult essays I have written. It took a week before I could read it out loud.

12. Lessons from Caregiving - what it was like to serve someone you love with your whole heart

13. Lessons of Completeness - the astounding day in which I completed the worst part of grieving and let go of things I did not even know I was holding on to

In December, 2019 - when I was ill for two weeks - it was during that time when I established the essaysongried.org web site and put all the essays out to be available.

On this day of the 160th essay - I continue to pray that these messages will be a blessing to someone looking for comfort and strength in their affliction just as writing them has been a comfort and a blessing to me.