May 26, 2020 - In a Moment...

That's all it takes...

Everything can change in a moment. In our lives we can look back and see those moments that forever changed us. Prior to the moment life was one way and after the moment life would never be the same.

For those of us in grief - it was a moment that changed our reality. Our day to day lives now unfolding with what made them what they were - now missing that precious element that was part of our life.

I have continually witnessed powerful changes in my journey. Unmistakable - stunning and overwhelming (at times) ways the journey has changed. And since March 1st - those changes have been amazing. Those changes took my reality and transformed it.

Transformed it to be less awful. Less painful. Less of what it was.

Yet without that part of my foundation that has been lost - still empty and difficult in so many ways.

Despite what has been lost - I regularly reflect on the blessings I have received - and the other blessings in my life.

Trying to ignore the proverbial “elephant in the room” though - I am faced with the continual reminder that I am in transition to something else. That new life in whatever form it will take.

And as I attempt to rely on the One who strengthens me during this time - I regularly stumble - I trip. And what is getting in my way is - me.

I go along as I can. Trying to stay in faith. Using the powerful examples of what I have been seeing as something to hold on to - and in doing that taking me through each day.

But then there are these moments - since we are human they are inevitable. For as much as I attempt to reach out to the strength that is beyond me - I reach a point where I just break down.

It’s just too much.

The harsh reality emerges from the cover of my attempts at faith and confronted by that reality - I fail.

Crash.

And burn.

It’s really quite a mess when it occurs.

After a period of recovery - I get back into the program and on to the next day.

Until the next failure.

Just yesterday I received a powerful reminder that I need to focus and hold on. And to enable me to do that more effectively - I was blessed with a stunning - unexpected - unanticipated example of how God is working in this journey with me.

Sunday was a day of physical accomplishments that surprised me. We would change out certain things in the house in the spring and fall. Swap out the bath mats, shower curtain, a valance over the kitchen window. I would clean certain things that usually get missed - ceiling fan blades, tops of furniture that are out of sight. I even used the steam cleaner to clean all of the floors - Kitchen, bathroom and back hall as well as washing the things I was taking down.

This generated it’s own energy. I accomplished all of the tasks and was quite amazed at the results. It was unexpected to complete all of that work so quickly.

But in the evening my celebration ended. My aloneness took over. It could not be stopped. A major session in feeling sorry for myself.

That breakdown I so dreaded happened. In a big way. I ended the day with a sense of defeat. Playing all of the positive things I knew through my mind but to no avail. I would have none of it. The awfulness bled through and spoiled whatever it touched.

So as the next day emerged - I had a resolve to attack a few things I needed to focus on. I thought it would help me get going and just not have another breakdown.

But then it happened. A friend called. A couple that was very close to us as a couple. They were going to visit friends we had known for years - an hour or so north who live in a beautiful community surrounding a large lake. I was invited to go - they would pick me up.

The catch - you need to be ready in 30 minutes.

I paused for a moment and thought - I need to do this. So I scrambled to prepare.

I threw some items together - got myself ready and dressed - grabbed something I could give the hosts and my friends as a thank you and a few snack items and off I went.

This is a gated community of 3,000 homes surrounding a massive man-made lake. I had been to the hosts home in the past with my wife but not to the lake.

Arriving around 1:30 we spent the day on a pontoon boat traversing the lake - having our lunch there and exploring the coves and being entertained by the sight of all of the lakeside homes.

And something else happened. Something I never expected. Something that has not been a part of my life at this level for as long as I can remember in recent history.

I had fun.

Driving back at the end of the day - my friends returned me to my house around 8. My head spinning. What had just happened here?

What had happened to me was that I received several powerful messages. Messages I know I needed that would strengthen me.

One I knew from my recent past - Things can change in a moment. One moment I was scraping myself out of the wreckage of my previous day - the next I am in a boat on a beautiful lake with people I know in an amazing, uplifting and stunning environment.

I knew this lesson - but now I really saw. New realities are everywhere. Here’s a look at just one. I am hearing God say, “See? - I can take you somewhere in a moment - don’t worry about when it is coming - just know that it is coming.”

And then there was fun. A non-grief world - outside of where I am currently sitting. Where there was an opportunity to just enjoy what was around me.

As I sit here where I was just 24 hours previously - I marvel at the blessing of the day that just took place.

As is usual with us humans - we do know more than we can acknowledge or want to really embrace at times. We do know better than we act. Better than we feel. In our hearts we know - but in our feelings we do not accept.

I received another great gift to add to the amazing gifts I have been receiving. Something that will strengthen me in a big way - because it was a big example. Talk about reality television - I was thrust into just one example of the future. Maybe not the one I will end up in - but a powerful example of the fact that a new life awaits.

And when God is your travel agent - you will get there. He knows the schedule. You do not need to.

Just know that it will be coming.

It will be coming at the exact time it needs to come.

And it will come.

In a moment…