When this journey into the unknown began - the trauma was all encompassing. The momentum of the past being catapulted against an impenetrable wall of grief and loss. Loss of the closest relationship that had made life worth living. With that relationship eliminated - the repercussions were more than could be processed by any normal mind.
Such was life - coping with the paradox, the loneliness, the emptiness while the world merrily went on like nothing significant had taken place.
On the regular day of September 8, 2020 all of that was about to change. Change into something that could have never been anticipated or expected.
That change and background have been covered in past observations. This message is written from what I would call “the other side”.
It is a place some told me existed - but while trapped in grief - sounded just like one of those things you say to someone to attempt to comfort them. Although while living in grief - there is scant comfort in those assessments that things would one day be “better”.
November 29, 2020 was the day the impossible became possible. A wedding to a person that I could have never dreamed existed. Someone who was a match in so many ways and all the time fascinating and challenging as well.
This message is one for those who might happen on this writing. To those of you struggling with grief I can report the earlier message I received was true. I am now in an amazing place.
I have been granted a literal “new life”. In a new location, a new state and with a new extended family.
These are things that I never saw coming - no, each element presented itself in it’s own time - in its own way. Separately each was an amazing and unexpected development. Together they paint an incredible picture.
At the core of this new life are new relationships. They just have presented themselves in a way that has been surprising.
As the past has begun to take its place in the background - my physical anchor in this world has changed. I have had to leave my home of 34 years. That home was a part of the old life.
I had received a message during my grief that leaving the home I knew might be in my future. At first the realization that I would not stay shocked me - yet now seems like a natural element of the new life. This transition is exactly what the next chapter is about and the new location is a part of that new life.
The long arc of grief has seen past relationships wane. After all - the specter of grief makes many uncomfortable. The dynamics of a couples relationship with others is dramatically altered when only one participant remains. More losses in a sea of loss that has spanned years. Yet as the new life emerges new relationships also have emerged in the most unexpected areas.
The new life has brought with it both physical and emotional changes. A new state, a new home, a new church and most importantly - new relationships within all of them.
One of the biggest realities of the new life is a simple yet profound one:
Peace.
The new location is peaceful - the new home full of peace. And the new relationships? Tempered with an acceptance and confidence that is surreal in its own way. The undercurrent of loss and emptiness transformed into a serene and positive new way of life.
What is ahead in this new life? No one knows right now.
Yet the love of a new relationship that is beyond special in its new and unique way fills everything with an incredible light - that light comes from God’s Spirit. The driving force that surfaced on that September 8th morning and has taken me to blessings that are humbling and poignant in their own way.
This love is the foundation of everything. It started with an incredible person. And even in such a short time - this love has blossomed into something that routinely leaves me speechless for its beauty and majesty.
It is Ephesians 3:20 in action:
Now to him who by his power within us is able to do far more than we ever dare to ask or imagine—to him be glory in the Church through Jesus Christ for ever and ever, amen!
As the future now unfolds before us - this new love - the foundation of this new life - will take my incredible wife and I to a place only God knows. It is “the other side”. A place I could never have comprehended until the right time came.
Now is that time.
Trust in your heart that if you are now living in the worst of grief - there is a day coming. A day in which you too will get to “the other side”.
It may not feel like it - but know that it will happen. Trust in the One who will take you there.
And let Him.
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